Concerning The Inconsistencies of Social Media Algorithms

Red warning content disclaimer tv show background design.

A responsible heading when dealing with controversial topics.

A good friend of mine (whose name is withheld to avoid them having to suffer further censure) when producing a politically themed post on a social media platform suggested certain politicians and pundits of strong and controversial views might have their perceptions improved by a bracing dive into a large natural body of water,

Jump in a lake 2

no doubt working on the basis that such a refreshing immersion would clear away their ill-humours, latent dyspepsia and possible heart damaging frenetic outlooks. The social media platform upon which this was posted (the name is withheld to spare The Well-known International company being subject To abusive or satirical comments turning up on their site) banned my friend for 12 hours for allegedly encouraging suicide.

This action puzzled me, for the actual activity is a popular one, often social groupings and bondings, all very healthy in fact.

Jamp in a Lake 3

Now if this ban were on Health & Safety grounds I would approve for there should always be caution and some manner of supervision when amusements take place around large bodies of water. In particular where styles approaching athletic or acrobatic are employed, in a possibly less than professional manner.

Jump in a Lake 4

However, as you can see from the evidence displayed this activity gives many folk joy and amusement, gifts which in these troubled times should be welcomed.

Jump in a Lake

Side view of dog jumping into lake against sky

Wow factor of 11

It, therefore, can only be concluded that the algorithm used in the company’s surveillance suggests that certain people of high public profile and controversial views when coupled with the idea of large bodies of water might give rise to morbid thoughts within some sections of the population. This, in turn leads inexorably to the next deduction, being the person or persons mentioned are the ones which give rise to the distressing thoughts and not the large bodies of water. (see additional evidence)

Wannsee, Germany, 20-29 Years, Adult, Back Lit, Carefree

Thus I would raise the issue, should not the company’s concerns be addressed to the principal subject matter; this being the person or persons, their content and all references of support to them be removed from the said platform (or platforms)?

Second Responsible Public Warning………

Red warning content disclaimer tv show background design.

Ron_DeSantis_in_2020

While the topic of engaging with bodies of water with enthusiasm be left open to mature and reasoned debate.

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A Singular Circumstance. One Summer’s Day (August#BlogBattle- Peculiar)

Ware the Maid

        Hochtrabende The Tormentor was despicable. And cared not. He committed beastly acts all in his quest for final approval of The Nameless in Ascendancy and the subsequent bounty.

          This, he calculated would be last required location, another pastoral idyl to be despoiled by heinous cruelty to an innocent. Their suffering the last pieces to be set in place.

          He sat in unholy meditation, savouring hideous memories preparing himself.

 

          Kaltblutig was cruel; to be objective Life had been cruel to him from childhood. He was thus an effective henchman. He reasoned his cruelty was quicker and more efficient than Life’s version, so it was a sort of service. Had he met the right sort of philosopher they would have had interesting conversations. Currently though he was working for a necromancer, arrogant of course, but paid well. 

          Young Anfanger, dithered at his side.

          ‘She’s a looker,’ he giggled nervously ‘Think he’ll let us,’ he would have nudged someone lesser than Kaltblutig, instinct warned him not to ‘Y’know,’

          ‘Not supposed to be anything left to…Y’know,’ came the growl. The veteran looked to the door to the chamber, doubt nagging, he could say why. Only an odd feeling he was on this side of the door.

 

          ‘I am Lady Betrügerin. Youngest child of House Krachen. My father, two brothers, my betrothed and my prospective in-laws all predisposed to violent solutions will visit upon so much woe upon you,’

          Acolyte Glucklos winced. The kidnapped girl was possessed of speech characteristics and a variability of tone which made listening to her somewhat grating, the words ‘and’ and ‘so’ at a pitch and drawl to hurt the ears. Worse, despite being ambushed while walking through a wood, roughly manhandled, then tied to a table in the presence of a hooded man she did not appear a’feared, only annoyed and defiant. Peculiar. 

          And then she giggled

          ‘Why do you wear that silly hood? Are you possessed of a peculiarly shaped nose?’

          The suddenness of the question caused him to respond directly.

          ‘There is nothing wrong with my nose,’

          ‘Says you,’ her nose twitched ‘ I bet messing about with all things which give off these funny smells is causing your nose to grow upwards. That’s it. You have a sticky up nose,’ she giggled again, this time accompanied by an intense stare ‘A piggy-wiggy nose,’ she chirped.

          Glucklos was thrown into confusion. These were not the right responses of a kidnapped maiden. Suddenly he did not know what to do. He was gripped by an urge to rush to his master, Hochtrabende.

 

          Hochtrabende heard not the usual pleading, crying or general distress you would expect from a kidnapped maiden. Only a winsome voice, a protest from his acolyte and… girlish laughter? That was peculiar. Maybe hysteria. Yes, women did get hysterical. He would have her sing a different song. He strode out.

          Finding Glucklos had not laid out the ceremonial knives, nor lit the thick blighted yellow incense. He was in debate with the victim over his nose.

          Hochtrabende roared his disapproval and ordered the acolyte to attend to the preparations.

          ‘And here’s another hood,’ trilled the girl managing to waggle one finger in an accusative gesture ‘What’s your peculiar penalty? Droopy earlobes?’  

          Hochtrabende made to loom over her, malignant eyes glaring through slits. This one had a singular capacity to be annoying. He squeezed her face.

          ‘Cease your babble,’ he snarled ‘You are here to satisfy The Nameless in Ascendancy and bring forth Their Horror upon the world,’

          ‘That was very rude,’ she chided with heavy dignity and a slight sniff ‘And I don’t believe you. You are just some silly inadequate with paid bullies and a deluded fellow,’ she twisted her neck and batted her eyes at Glucklos ‘Poor piggy-wiggy here,’

          ‘There is nothing wrong with my nose,’ repeated Glucklos.

          The irregularity of the situation threw Hochtrabende into another bout of precipitate action.

          ‘This is but a taste of suffering to come in your journey to The Nameless in Ascendancy,’ he rasped drawing a curved blade down her arm, blood seeping from the thin line.

 

          Kaltblutig had much experience of screams. Fear, Rage, Defiance, Confusion, Thrills and so forth. That one was different, as if the door did not matter. Aside from the volume and the highest pitch he’d ever heard, there was an odd quality, he would reckon a warble. A right strangeness. His troubled, thoughtful scowl stifled Young Anfanger’s expectant tittering.  

 

          Unlike Glucklos who had hands to his head, all of Hochtrabende’s resolve was channelled into not wilting under the shriek. When finished the girl scowled

          ‘Well that’s a fine how-do-you-do,’ she wriggled her bloodied arm, muscle blossoming ‘This will not go well for you when my rescuers come,’

          The smugness in her voice was harsh, mocking. Hochtrabende had never encountered such distinctive affrontery, which fuelled his rage beyond his usual cold delight.

          ‘Wretch,’ he spat, unaware his vocabulary was narrowing ‘Know you, I have others in the wood ready to ambush any attempt. You are lost,’

          She stuck her tongue out. He had no response but to assail her other arm.

 

          ‘There’s that warbling scream again,’ Kaltblutig muttered ‘Downright peculiar,’

          By now Young Anfanger, influenced by the elder man, shuffled.

 

          Lady Betrügerin examined both arms, clenching her fists.

          ‘My favourite walking out dress torn and badly stained,’ her voice censorious ‘Whereas I normally avoid the propensities of the male where retribution is involved in this case pinches and punches will be considered,’ she glowered at Acolyte Glucklos ‘As for you  Piggy-Wiggy, there will be a severe nose straightening,’

          Maybe it was the imperturbably assertive voice, perhaps the sense his master was losing authority or mayhap whole unreality of the situation which caused the young man to tear off his hood and pointing to his nose scream into the supposed victim’s face.

          ‘This is a normal nose. An average nose, curse you!’  

          Hochtrabende was about to yell the lad was not supposed to reveal himself however this was hindered by the gasp of surprised outrage of Lady Betrügerin

          ‘Cadet Lord Glucklos. Third Son of House Raffgierig. And your father, Duke Bestechlich titular patron of the Cheese Mongers and Purveyors Guild of  Handelsknoten.  The scandal. He will have to stand down and lose the substantial stipend as they find another noble mascot,’ she tutted. Gluckloss howled and intended to strike at her face but bungled the business, she jinked her neck, he missed and as his palm flew by she savagely nipped his little finger, drawing blood.

          By then Hochtrabende had composed himself. He dragged the youth back to the corner swinging him about to view a table with tomes of evil lore.

          ‘You fool. This girl is either insane or possessed of some latent manifestation. Calm yourself and we will consult the Foul Volumes,’   

 

          In his long career on unpleasant actions Kaltblutig had never known such a bunch of oddness.  Hochtrabende usually indulged in malevolent pretend aloofness. Not ranting Self-preservation told him orders forbidding witness of what went on behind the doors no longer applied. He peered through the usual space twix’d locked door and frame.

          ‘Nah,’ he groaned ‘Don’t turn your backs on her,’

 

          When master and acolyte turned back, their intended victim was sitting up, busily untying the ropes to her legs. She paused to waggle her bloodied hands.

          ‘Blood does so slicken ropes and skin, allowing hands to slip out,’ she explained with an air of domesticity.

          Hochtrabende, in horrified desperation, mind filled with impossible answers to this situation began to chant a plea to his patron, hoping fervour and faith would do in place of sacrifice. Glucklos charged in clumsy scamper waving an ornately curved blade, an inappropriate weapon for the thrust.

          And he was felled by the promised punch to the nose.

 

          Hochtrabende lowered his gaze from the usual upwards chanting pose. The girl was not in front of him.

          ‘Yoo-hoo,’

          She was above, impossibly at ease on no particularly visible perch.

          Her eyes bright, teeth sparkling in a cheerful smile and arms outstretched she swiftly descended.

 

          On seeing the girl slip loose Kaltblutig had exited, only to find outside of the previously abandoned abode bodies or soon to be bodies of the lot Hochtrabende had hired. Waiting were ten men in the very dark green of the dread LifeGuard and adding to the dread two in the night black habits of the Custodians of The Lord God’s Will. One of the LifeGuard pointed at Kaltblutig.

          ‘Ah Master Kaltblutig. Yes. We’ll keep him,’

          For a man steeped in cruelty and its consequences, the words were as good as it got. He surrendered.

 

          He was bound, set against a tree and informed he would be telling the LifeGuard every last detail about long list of his employers, locations and deeds.  Meanwhile the body of Young Anfanger was carelessly hauled out by one LifeGuard. They formed a perimeter at the entrance and the Custodians went in, sometime later they hauled out Glucklos, he was alive though, holding his bloodied nose and babbling protests about its state.

          ‘We’ll be keeping this one,’ a Custodian said to a LifeGuard ‘Regrettably all we found of that wretch Hochtrabende was a pile of ashes. Again too late. These debased amateur meddlers thinking themselves able to deal with unquantifiable forces.

            ‘So our unseen allies, they evaded us. Again,’

            ‘Aye, just those hints of screams, barely audible,’ he patted the dog at his side  

          ‘And the locals will be grateful we tracked and apprehended a group of recently arrived bandits before any harm was done. To them, anyway,’

          The two men shared a brief, cold, knowing laugh.

          Kaltblutig shuddered. 

 

          The return was ever the demanding exercise, and therefore a slow rise from the crouch was best, as always the warmth of the greeting washed over them.

          ‘How good to see you returned intact. Still in the female form,’ the voice was gentle and thoughtful ‘Your preference?’

          ‘I do confess to an ease. I feel a may have been such before my original arrival,’

          ‘Aye, there is a likelihood. To return to current matters. Indications are of a complete cleansing. Can you confirm?’

          ‘The tracking and the luring were quite easy and the clues sufficient for the authorities. The rest fell predictably into place. He was left naught but a pile of ash. The evidence was balanced as directed. Sparse enough to ensure mystery but sufficient to encourage study,’

          ‘Others will be returning from their missions. We will gather and evaluate both progress and influence. This recent trend is most distracting. The misinterpretation of an ancient account elevating some ill-fated and obscure dabbler to the level of an evil deity would be farcical, if there were not the suffering many and promotion of negligible individuals to popular notoriety. It is not be tolerated. I daresay some philosophies would be the basis of condemnation on our methods and goals, and yet when faced with the corrosion and nurturing of such evils what is to be done?’

          The returnee sighed, straightened, then made their way over to a bench from where they could look down upon the world they had just left in all its combinations. As they mused their hair darkened and the clothing took on a more basic appearance, they absently scratched their neck. When they spoke their voice was more of the crowded streets of a city.

          ‘It’s a peculiar old state of affairs an’ no mistake,’      

 

Just an Opinion, (of course)

Stop Smoking

Stop Smoking with Allen Carr

You will excuse me, but in relation to the title, it would seem, to me, that is, the solution is an obvious one.

A simple and polite refusal to join in this controversial although still social habit, irrespective of who is inviting you. Why you need instruction in the form of an entire CD escapes me.

In addition the title suggests a certain element of victimisation. Why should you refuse to share this social interaction with this one particular person? The idea of groups of folk stalwartly announcing this intention seems rather unsettling.

I can’t help but feel The Mass Media is at fault here.

Just for Marketing and Giggles- The Comic Tragedy Approach

shy-man-partyThere will be scenes and commentaries which some readers may find disturbing, even offensive. Although to be fair there is something of a nascent allegory to certain themes within the volume which has given rise to these marketing ventures. I would also like to go on record as stating I had nothing to do with this post and even counselled against it…. Oh dear……oh dear.   

Laughing GuyYes folks with each copy of Of Patchwork Warriors

You get a free course of pogo-stick lessons

Impatient fellowWow! That’s a great idea. Why don’t you come into my office and we can discuss it in more detail.

punched laughing-guy (2)Duhhhh…hurr…hurrrrr…I’m goin’ ‘ome…duhhhhh…..hur-hur.

Well, we’d love to help out but we’re off to Oshkagoodle to help publicise the annual Oshkagoodle Lychee Fruit Workshop Festiva

Yeaaaa Team Lychee!!!

Impatient fellowNaaah, there’s no joy to smacking such folk, they are already in their own painful world of existential denial….. OK Sis’ over to you.

Haughty response 4Oh great here comes Ms Blue Collar again

Wives and lovers exasperated-11451246

Yeah, like one way-ticket to Cliché Central

Wives and lovers woman clothedHi honey. Sorry to Skype in on you like this. Just to let you know I’ll be a bit late home tonight. Plumbing job. Anyway tell the girls they can watch Frozen II again, and they have to phone their Aunty Jane to wish her fiancé Sandra a Happy Birthday…OK…love you man of mine…Oh nearly forget would you be a sweetie and contact Professor Williams and tell him I’ve given it a lot of thought but I won’t be taken up the Lectureship on 16th Century Literature in Europe. Bye..darling……

Hi Ladies…….

That was mean!…..

Yeah!

You’re-you’re just so lucky we lost out phones in there otherwise we would twitter something…

Yeah!….

We’ve had enough, we’re off to Oshkagoodle to sneer at Lychees…..

Yeah! 

Ah sometimes ya just gotta clear out the dead wood 

FX Twang

Young woman, finger on lips, looking confused surprisedOh….. It’s gone all quiet… Well I guess that just leaves me…Ummmm… There’s this book. Of Patchwork Warriors 

And it’s one of those Fantasy sorts. There’s these three young women, a soldier, a kinda wacky traveller, and a housemaid, now she gets stuck with these…powers I guess… and the other two are hunting her, because they have to, y’see. Anyway, they all get together and bond, and have adventures beating up bad guys. And sort of grow in experience, stature and stuff like that. The wacky one and the soldier fall in love which is sorta sweet, and the housemaid becomes really powerful, brave, determined and respected. So it ends well, but it’s part one, of a trilogy….forgot to mention that . There are a few laughs, adult situations and girls talking, y’know girl-talk. And there are lots of other folk doing sneaky back ground things, but like I said it works out, OK…all upbeat. And costs 0.99 on Amazon Kindle.      Was that OK?

Thank you……..WIN_20201130_14_37_57_ProI wish I’d asked you to do this in the first place.

Melodrama“Comedies are fit for common wits:
But to present a kingly troop withal,
Give me a stately-written tragedy;
Tragadia cothurnata, fitting kings,
Containing matter, and not common things.”

Vintage engraving of a victorian era professor or schoolmaster reading a book.

Ah a quote from Kydd’s Spanish Tragedy …… How very apt.

Pondering one I’d have gone from something out of Dostoevsky, but I guess that works.  

worried-manThat’s all folks!…Good night!

Just for Marketing and Giggles -The Controversially Aggressive Approach

Just for Marketing and Giggles – The Advertising (Emotional Appeal ploy) Approach

Just for Marketing and Giggles – The Controversially Aggressive Approach

Portrait Angry older man screaming on white background

WHAT’S THE MATTER WITH THE LOT OF YOU!!

Laughing Guy

You’re just gonna love this, aren’t you folks?

shy-man-party

Words fail me.

Portrait Angry older man screaming on white background

Listen to me willya! This book has been out for one month, there’s been a advertising campaign and still you an’t buying it!! WHAT’S THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE?????  Ohhhhhhh I know what it’s all about. All those social media types with their Youth Orientation and what is ….’Trending’, so anyone who is not in the right profiles gets ignored. It’s just like what happens to me, Pete and Burt when we asked the Town Council if we could play our Kazoo renditioning of ‘The Star Spangled Banner’ on the 4th July three years back, and they turned us down because it might have been seen as ‘disrespectful’……. HA!…Disrespectful! They just didn’t want three old guys strutting their stuff that’s all! And don’t think we haven’t noticed they have not replaced that old omnibus of Dick Tracy cartoons in the town library which they removed because ‘they’ said it was in need of repair….HA!! What AND happened to the ‘Smokey Stover’ collection???….They still won’t answer that question!!    I tell ya, it’s a pretty sorry state when an ordinary guy who’s lived an ordinary life, not making a fuss or being on ‘Reality TV’ can’t get his book noticed…Just ‘because’. You take Burt, who spent ten years researching  and writing up a three volume commentary on the History of Pot Roast and did anyone take it up? Did they…Huh? I mean, it’s POT ROAST for pity’s sakes, y’ can’t get more patriotic or basic roots of culture  than POT ROAST!!!  And then you can’t get anything controversial  published unless you’re already well known or some sorta wacko that a bunch of TV executives found. Me an’ Pete collaborated on two volumes being critical of folk of high profile irrespective of politics, gender, race, religion or which baseball team they followed titled ‘And Here’s Another Idiot’ followed up by ‘It’s You Stupid Lot that Make Them Wealthy’. I mean how controversial can you get? But did anyone give us a sniff! Did they? Hah! Nnnnooo because in their eyes we were 70 year old nobodies, with no profile or ‘Twitter’ accounts! I tell ya, it’s The Living In A  Stacked Deck scenario all over again!!! 

PuzzledErr…Excuse me. But…err…What’s the book, and have you read it? 

Doffing a hat

Oh I can help you there young lady.

Of Patchwork Warriors It’s on that Kindle device  

Portrait Angry older man screaming on white background

I was gettin’ there! I was gettin’ there!!!    Laughing and pointing

Just catching his breath…That’s all

Portrait Angry older man screaming on white background

I heard that Charlie Smerhoffer! You and your stupid easy going attitude! Well, let me tell you, when ‘they’ come and take away all those Short Story collection you read at the Library and replace them with ‘Controversial’ drivel written by any yahoo who’s got a PROFILE and a bank account inversely proportional to the size of their brain then don’t come moaning to me about it!! 

Pondering twoI’ve read all the posts on this topic and I’m still none the wiser. 

Confused person on Brexit

Yeah, I printed them out and collected them in a binder. It still didn’t help.

Portrait Angry older man screaming on white background

THAT’S BECAUSE YOU SHOULD BE BUYING AND READING THE BOOK!!!!

Vintage engraving of a victorian era professor or schoolmaster reading a book.

But you see, my dear sir, there is an inherent flaw in your argument. For surely the whole purpose of these whimsical marketing endeavours is to raise the profile of the work in question and thus encourage the individual to purchase a copy. Thus by your last statement you have created a contradiction in that, if a person were to purchase a copy of the said volume, then there would be  no need to read the marketing. Ergo your previous comment is void of any substantial meaning.

Little girl sticking tongue out. PNG - JPG and vector EPS (infin

Naaah! Stop being mean to Gramps!

YEAH!!!!

Wives and lovers exasperated-11451246Oh great. Another marketing classic.

Haughty response 4

Awww don’t worry, I’m sure Ms Blue Collar is on hand to save the day.

Meanwhile……

ITALY-FRANCE-WEATHER-FEATURE

Pondering oneNo sales since the 21st of Feb then? 

WIN_20201130_14_37_57_Pro‘Come what come may,
Time and the hour runs through the roughest day….’

Furtive…Uh-oh that don’t sound regular.

WIN_20201130_14_37_57_Pro

 

‘If it were done when ’tis done, then ’twere well . It were done quickly’

worried-manQuoting Shakespeare’s MacBeth…to himself….That will not end well.

WIN_20201130_14_37_57_ProBear like I must fight the course.’

Pondering oneYou might want to miss the next post folks….

Just for Marketing and Giggles- The Bandwagon Advertising Approach

Just for Marketing and Giggles- The Advertising (Emotional Appeal ploy) Approach

Just for Marketing and Giggles- The Bandwagon Advertising Approach

Let’s be honest, we all have good cause to feel a little low these days

Melodrama 1Oh woe. Oh misery. Oh lackaday. Ah me. 

See what I mean?                            Laughing Guy

I’ll hand you over to our expert of the matter.

FaustusThank you. Whereas in the societal state in which the large vocalised majority of the population live in a status from in, a world view can be described as comfortable, there is an urge to experience from a safe distance (in this case the written word, or performed work) acts of violence, misfortune, tragedy and the triumph of evil over good. This socio-thrill seeking would have had a cathartic benefit as the emotions experienced would move the person out of the self induced torpor  of relative complacency. However due to recent evidence of the pandemic and severe political turbulence, the level of the distress caused by the fear of actual personal harm has exponentially increased.

Impatient fellow

Yeah…Howdja feel about really gettin’ a big smack in the mouth instead of reading about or watching some poor shmuck gettin’ one? 

FaustusSuccinctly put sir. It can therefore be demonstrated that there is now an inherent need for a substantial number of individuals to experience the positive emotions in the traditional formats of Good over Evil, Harmless Humour, The individuals at the lower end of the social scale triumphing through hard work, loyalty and a sense of selflessness and of course a measure of Romance. However as the current world for the induvial is in a state of turbulence in which such imagery might jar, to place the narrative in a Fantasy Setting with its sense of detachment is a suitable location, in which the person can experience both positive emotions and harmless conjecture of this extraordinary non-threatening setting. As the actual demonstration of these circumstances are not my forte I will hand you over to someone more versed in the process….    

enthusiastic

It’s a great little book, I’m telling you. Three independent young women end up carrying out a battle against evil forces, in their own unique ways. There’s banter. There’s friendship. There’s bonding. There’s contradicting and defying authority. There’s getting the better of professional villains. There’s the beating up of evil guys. There’s bravery. There’s determination. There’s humour. There are frank discussions. There’s romance. There’s an up-beat ending! Yeah!!! 

Annnnndddd it’s called?……………………….Not just me then.

Wives and lovers woman clothedHey, Burbles! Yeah, you in the hipster hoops. You forget to mention the title, guy…. Never mind…I’ll do it. You like go and sit down and drink water…No caffeine. Right?…… Now those of you on justifiablyconfused.com this the source of all the preceding fuss ‘n feathers

Of Patchwork Warriors  

It’s on Amazon Kindle. Naahh I’m not giving you a link. Y’ go to Amazon and select Kindle and type it all in. How hard can that be for Pity’s Sake? Oh, yeah, like I read it. It’s alright, y’know. Kinda mash-up, few thrills, few laughs, girls getting The Task done, bit of rewarding R & R afterwards, you get the drift?. If nothing else it’s bound to annoy various  stick retained rectum types from all sides, which is a good thing. OK, that’s me done, dividing walls don’t demolish themselves folks.

Yesssss. Well she would like it wouldn’t she?…………. Yeah Ms Blue Collar Appeal

furtive-1Ooooooh I think she might have heard that. Quick cut to the funnies.

Inspiration

Lighten up you day. Cease your dirge and wail. Away unto Amazon and buy this happy tale.

Oh we read it. We read it!! Lighten up you day. Cease your dirge and wail. Away unto Amazon and buy this happy tale

Electra in PortraitHey! That’s catchy! Gee that cheers me up to no end. Hey sisters and brothers, let’s hear it! 

Lighten up you day. Cease your dirge and wail. Away unto Amazon and buy this happy tale

 

plato Now that’s what I call Ironic .Social Networking

O-M-G….Have you heard about this new book!

Gossip0803

Lighten up you day. Cease your dirge and wail. Away unto Amazon to buy this happy tale

worried-manI take it, that is just a cartoon, otherwise the image is quite…wrong.

Arketre On The Prowl screenshot (5)I think it’s what you folks call allegorical. Y’know a comment on the way your social media works.

worried-man (2)

 

Oh Arketre Beritt!…. How nice to meet you…. Err I would like to apologise on the behalf of the writer for all of this. He would be here, but he’s hiding under a kitchen table

Arketre On The Prowl screenshot

Yeah… That’s where we usually have to go to find him. Anyway, don’ y’all worry none about the marketin’. Not your personal fault. It’ll all work out, somehow. Be seein’ y’all.

 

What luck. We were here for that special guest star appearance! Lighten up you day. Cease your dirge and wail. Away unto Amazon and buy this happy tale!

CoriolanusLighten up you day. Cease your dirge and wail. Away unto Amazon and buy this happy tale

Writer 3

But Marcie. Wait I love ya! Marry me!!

1

Youse gonna ‘af ta wait Clyde, I gotta buy one of dem Kindles an’ get dat book everyone is talkin’ ’bout.

Laughing GuyYou got to admit folks…. That’s Marketing!! Pondering twoHmmm…even so 

Of Patchwork Warriors ……. or………..Pile of books

Pondering one

Ending on a cliff-hanger eh? It’s an old ploy, but it could work.

 

 

 

 

Just for Marketing and Giggles- The British Approach 

Just for Marketing and Giggles – The Good Ol’ Hard Sell Approach.

Just for Marketing and Giggles -The Vaudevillian Cross-Talk Approach

Just for Marketing and Giggles- The Advertising (Emotional Appeal ploy) Approach

Just for Marketing and Giggles – The Advertising (Emotional Appeal ploy) Approach

Hey man. Wow!…….There’s Stuff                 Please I do not want to know about Stuff

What sort of…. ‘Stuff’? Oh like book………………………………….. Stuff

Pompus Oh…that means reading. I can’t be bothered. I shall wait until a suitably prestigious literary critic writes a review before I form an opinion on this….Stuff    

Impatient fellow

If they don’t come clean about what this…..’Stuff’ is. There will be some Big Smacks in The Mouth….Stuff.

haughty response 2

Please do not be vexed so. It’s simply a book about three young women cast into an adventure in a Fantasy realm. They bond, they hit lots of villains and beasts, and kill some in the process, they bond further, grow in stature and survive having saved some part of the world. Those fellows are all trying to avoid being caught out making inadvertently controversial comments, and thus shamed, cancelled or whatever else worries people on the internet. Me, I’m independently wealthy, in a small way, have no idea how to work Twotter or Instagrum and being of late middle age can still remember the pre-computer days….So I don’t care. Now if you excuse me I have to go and ask my wife how to work Voice-Hale.

I’m still gonna give one of those jerks a Biggggg slap inna mouth……… But not me. I don’t know nothin’ !! I’m just in charge of stationary requirements (and the coffee machine)

How dreadfully and chaotically vulgar, also one has to say a trifle obscure. If everyone simply purchased a copy of this volume and opted not to comment on any very common social media site, then we would be spared these most undignified situations. It only costs 0.99 as well. Seems the obvious solution, if you ask me.

worried-manActually he has a good point; for a while there I was worried we were heading for a pastiche of  in play in the style of The Theatre of the Absurd.

writer-2Well, I’m fearfully glad I have a copy, and it’s perfectly readable on my all-weather Kindle, (with the model 6/10 Alpha Stylus)

Pondering one This whole thing may be working, someone bought a copy on the 20th Feb. 3 whole copies to date. Hmmmmm

Just for Marketing and Giggles- The British Approach

Just for Marketing and Giggles- The Good O Hard Sell Approach.

Just for Marketing and Giggles – The Greek Tragedy Approach

Just for Marketing and Giggles- The Vaudevillian Cross-Talk Approach

Just for Marketing and Giggles – The Focus Group Approach

Just for Marketing and Giggles – The Focus Group Approach

Happy Dance 1goofy-girls-printsHappy

Young woman, finger on lips, looking confused surprisedOk I’ve visited this screwy site before. What the hell is going on now?

Idiot man 2Oh fair maid. Have you not heard the gladsome news? Copies of Of Patchwork Warriors have been sold (ed). And that is the Marketing Team doing their celebratory dance.

Plot Image 1

Sales! It’s time to organise a Focus Group for the next Marketing Campaign

Barker 2It’s being organised! Get a chance to air your views on an issue of The Day…Step this way folks. Step this way 

Freinds Romans Countrymen

Melodrama…Layyyydeeez and Gentle-MEN. You are asked(ed) to discuss THE weighty matter of this TOME before...you.

Of Patchwork Warriors….Available on Kindle…..

WHAT is YOUR general O…pin…nee-onn?

Puzzled expression…Ehhhh..It’s a book…And it’s ’bout three girls and it’s got lotsa words. Ders no pictures though. I thought if it wuz ’bout girls it should be a comic book, so we can see what they’s wearin’. Y’know.

famous-writers-of-the-victorian-era-1 Awww. I mean that’s like a load man! Y’know. I mean it’s all about the narrative, dude, which is basically an elevated intrinsic examination of the journey undertaken by the soul. I mean, like you don’t need pictures man. None of that postmodernism crap, neither. You know what I’m talkin’ about there man.

victorian-mens-costumes-2

Fearfully contrived if you ask me? What say you Carruthers?

Long John Silver

Contrived ye say? Do ye? Ye insult a fellow with a wooden leg would ye*? By the time I’m finished with ye. Ye’ll be only fit for Davy Jones’ cabin boys..Arr-Harrr!!

  • haughty response 2* This colourful fellow above is referencing Captain Dekyria…Arketre Beritt’s commander and mentor.

Sarcastic gifOh please! Like it’s a book whose central characters are women and you’ve got male yo-yos leading on Focus? Gimme a break.

Sinsiter WomenHearts of gold and inseparable friends. How very dull…..But they did massacre some men…..Yes but those were so second-rate villains, I mean talk about target practice.  

anger-clipart-rage-2Naw! It wuz irritating. All these women being clever and brave! It’s not like that in real life. You gotta wise up! It’s all wrong giving women all these role models roles! Ya…..

Wives and lovers woman clothed  It’s ok sisters I stuffed his head down the john and slammed the seat on his neck….he’ll be there for a while…..Carry on, girls.

SurfingYes…It’s quite nice…I think it’s a bit of a sleeper. Low-key marketing is the best ploy (I’m gonna steal the plot and get it up and out there! He knows ‘jack’ about social media networking,)

 

Of Patchwork Warriorsenthusiastic 2O-M-G!!

Wives and lovers woman clothedAnnddd lil’ Miss Clickbait is next.

RageWhy did the blonde haired one end up having the nick-name ‘Flaxi’. If it gets to be a best seller, it’s what all the jerks in the office are  going to start calling me.

Haughty response 4Yeah….Frankly……Like that’s gonna happen.

haughty responseDid you know about this?

WIN_20201130_14_37_57_Pro

 

 

No…And I was so happy with the two sales. 

Whimsey 1Fear not good sir…I shall sally forth with the news of this tome…..See how I do fly to the crowds….

Whimsey 1 otherwayOr were they this way?….

CromwellDissolvingLongParliamentWell thanks for your input folks….the Focus Group is now closed.

Wives and lovers woman clothedAnyone else you want me to use as a sink plunger?

WIN_20201130_14_37_57_ProAt your own discretion thank you. If anybody wants me I’ll be under the kitchen table.

fed_up_woman-620x412I warned him. Lord knows I’ve warned him. How many times, did I warn him. Don’t market.

BarkerCome, come m’dear. There’s no such thing as bad publicity.

Oh by the way I seemed to have misplaced an associate of mine – here’s her picture enthusiastic 2

Wives and lovers woman clothedOh yeah….I saw her….. Asked me to pass a message on. She thinks Marketing and Publicity isn’t for her….She’s taking up a trade in plumbing.  

Just for Marketing and Giggles- The British Approach

 

Just for Marketing and Giggles- The Good Ol’ Hard Sell Approach.

Just for Marketing and Giggles – The Greek Tragedy Approach

Just for Marketing and Giggles -The Vaudevillian Cross-Talk Approach

Just for Marketing and Giggles – The Greek Tragedy Approach

shy-man-party

No sales. The last acceptance was on the 4th and that was free.

WIN_20201130_14_37_57_Pro

Aye, I know. Oft have I walked these desolate roads, with naught but the chill winds of The Realty of Low Profile to accompany me. Ah, who cans’t I blame but myself for this fate?

Pondering oneMaybe it’s time you did the unthinkable and sent it off to an agent or publisher? Just saying. Y’know?

Nay, nay and thrice NAY! For they would not understand the many nuances and sub-text and would pour ignorant scorn upon the workHamlet 2

Vintage engraving of a victorian era professor or schoolmaster reading a book.

It would seem to me your approaches are either very plebeian or shockingly drenched in self-indulgence. I would suggest a Classical Theme be given to this venture. Underscore the Tragedy of the entire enterprise, in viewing, quite frankly the folly of the whole enterprise the audience would be curious as to the nature of this work and thus one…or …two may be inclined to purchase a copy. The obvious choice would be the Greek playwrights such as Sophocles…..

Laughing Guy       

He’s gotta point ya’ know. I got just the set-up for you. First I give you the Greek Tragedy Chorus.

Electra and the Chorus bearing vessels for libation on the tomb of Agamemnon illustration from The Choephori by Aeschylus (c525-c456 BC) c1830-40 - (MeisterDrucke-161368)  . 

Oh woe. Oh woe. The sales are slow.

Oh woe. Oh woe. Why, we do not know.

Oh woe. Oh woe. Ashes we doth throw.

Oh woe. Oh woe. Oh woe.

Then the Maid of Tragedy  Electra:

Electra in Portrait

Thou hast said nothing unlooked-for; I well knew that thou wouldst reject what I proffered. Well! I must do this deed with mine own hand, and alone; for assuredly I will not leave it void.

Of Patchwork WarriorsOf Patchwork Warriors (Fourth Edition): (Being Vol.1 of the Precipice Dominions) eBook: Llewellyn, R J: Amazon.co.uk: Kindle Store

 

Electra in Portrait

My resolve is not new, but long since fixed.         

                                                                Don’t you just love that girl and her cool quotes

Procession of the chorus - Scanned 1882 Engraving

 

Tragic. Yet heroic.

The fellow is very stoic

Let us hope he does not get choleric

WIN_20201130_14_37_57_ProI think we’ll just leave it to Vox Populi 

Vintage engraving of a victorian era professor or schoolmaster reading a book.

Wrong civilisation dear boy 

                                                                            An’t those dames sweet…Hoch-cha-cha

Unit2_Lesson2Just buy the blessed thing will you and make this all stop.

Just for Marketing and Giggles- The British Approach

Just for Marketing and Giggles – The Good Ol’ Hard Sell Approach.

A Halloween Aftermath

We sat; the chill, quiet dawn. I upon the falling trunk, the body of a tree at rest, on its passage back to the earth, and opposite the creature upon its rock an ancient stone; something far, far older than our combined lineages, those carvings but recent scribblings in its history made by those who had reckoned this being and its ilk something powerful. That’s the problem with us Humans, paradoxes, a crate load; I sometimes wonder if Paradox would exist without us. Anyway I’m getting ahead. Let’s get back to the linear narrative.

It was a being of one of the Usual sorts, this one’s group had opted for the Octopod look, with a few more tentacles doing the writhing of course, one baleful off-yellow eye and a beaked maw with an angry look; they’re always angry, at not being on top of the pile I guess. I do dislike this crew, they give the whole Cephalopoda class a very bad image. A group, by the way, far more interesting in their natures, study them and you really start to ponder on the Nature of Life in all its myriad forms. There I go again, digressing. Back to business.

‘Must be a bit disappointing no one turning up,’ I said casually, as I lit another cigarette, yeah, yeah dangerous to my health, anti-social and so on, but being so obviously throw-away, well it annoys the fluids out of these types, underlines how you feel about them and their position in the Universe. I could tell I’d got it already, the tentacles doing a lot more writhing, then there was the hissing and snakey sort of spoken ancient bad words that would get junior off to bed without any supper. Still, take nothing for granted. They are slippery. I continued.

‘I mean no host of rubes led by some guy in sparkly robes chanting and sacrificing. Must have been a quite a buzz to the ego. A whole circus all for you. Back in The Day,’

There was so much writhing I thought the thing was going to strangle itself, and as for the language, well maybe not up to American marine gunnery sergeant standard, but my, pretty salty.

‘You small thing,’ I let it have its say, it’s only polite ‘We ruled the world while you were still small scuttling things in the mud, you cowered beneath us,’

‘Yeah. About that. And I’ve asked this question at least twenty times. If you were so good, how come you aren’t ruling anymore? I mean and try and give me a straight answer. Was it a geological event, like causing a change in the climate? Or did you get smacked by a piece of cosmic debris? C’mon you got to admit this Universe, your kind, my kind we’re pretty small stuff,’

‘You know nothing!’ it hissed, and tried to get off of the rock, which was not a wise move, because it’s environment is linked to said rock. I don’t know why, don’t really care, that’s above my pay-grade as the saying goes and I have enough to think about. ‘You grub around unaware of what lies beyond the veils of your pathetic perceptions. Beings who consume suns…’

‘Hold it there!’ I held up my hand ‘Yeah you are exaggerating on that score. A sun. Something so big it can churn out a million tons of stuff a second and have a life of , I dunno like 10 billion years. That is a load man. If it were true…Heck the results of the digestive processes, unless of course you are suggesting there’s something out there that craps nebulae in which case I would suggest they would have bigger thoughts than worrying about how to fool a few credulous little folk on a small rock. Admit it sonny, don’t mind f I call you sonny do you?’ Yep, it did ‘If you had a time at all, it’s gone. Don’t embarrass yourselves,’

It was gathering up for something it would think as spectacular when I flicked the half finished cigarette at it, caught it on one tentacle tip and, yes it flinched.

‘And there we have it,’ I said ‘You and me. We’re living tissue, and you can argue every which way you want, but when it comes down to it, stone, steel, fire and things than go boom win out every time and right now, we’ve got the controlling percentage on those. So what with Nature and our propensity to destroy anything we take a dislike to, you’re best on your way. It’s all over for you sonny. Folk are neck deep in the latest gadgets, trends, deadly metallic devices and its all passed you by. Go back to your Wherever and squabble with other ancient sorts who lost out,’

‘You short lived things,’ it hissed, must be difficult hissing through beak ‘I measure my life in millennium,’

‘And you still gotta turn up on some shitty little rock hoping a few yahoos will be here? Man! Talk about slow learning,’

I stood up, lit another cigarette, turned my back and walked off, waving one hand.

‘See ya around, and watch out for those Gamma-Bursts, they are definitely no respecters of flesh and whatever, come to think of it machines too,’

Now some might say it was a foolhardy and arrogant act to do, turn my back on some ancient and very annoyed ugly creature all hissing and tentacles. Thing is, they rely on belief, fear and terror. You don’t show it, they’ve got nothing-, and that one I’d just been dealing with was pretty small stuff. Still it would go back to wherever all grumpy and bitter and start some internal war just to prove something.

It had been a relatively peaceful gig. Halloweens can be noisy calls if you have to deal with something showing off horns and male genitals, man talk about insecurity. Some of their girl followers can be cute, in a predictable way, they get really tearful angry if you slap their pert little butts with a holy book of some sort, then they turn into snakes or bats which is another insult to the real animals.

Up the road was Mr Smith. Aside from his car’s tire marks there were ones of a van. The yahoos had been taken care of, only two of them but even two can be a civil nuisance with their creepy or very neat houses, collections of fashionably ominous books and talking in the latest or very ancient oblique manners, pretending to be so superior and detached, yet they hate peak shopping times too. Anyway they encourage the creatures, give them egos.

‘That appeared very easy,’ he said to me.

‘Ah, y’know I was on a roll this time. My girl split from me and someone had to get the sharp edge of my mood. Anyway this one was out of stock-casting, just in my line. Y’know I just got to stand up a salute those Divorce Lawyers you employ, turning entire covens on their demon leader with one address,’

‘Well each has their calling. The economists and accountants can bring a stultifying layer of boredom to most summonings and have the whole thing fall apart. Stand-up comics bring the ridicule and cutting insults and once someone starts to snigger, the whole ceremony falls apart. Then we have the more simple military approach, although the clean up is quite the task,’

He had a point. The whole organisation seemed to have a good success rate. None of the creatures from the Othersides seemed to be able to catch up with Human’s progress, if that is the right word. There were Theorists who reckoned most of beings were not keen on coming over lest we find a way back to them and ruin their own environments; we’re good at that. So its only the losers, simpletons and wack-jobs who try. Humanity has got too scary for them.

Yeah I’m a kind of paranormal street cleaner. I’m ok with that, it’s a supplementary wage.

We did the traditional handshake of course.

‘When will you be available next Mr Plowman?’ he asked.

‘Ah, busy few weeks. I’ve got The Election and the aftermath to cover and my editor brooks no excuses. Now that beat,’ I warned him ‘Is really brutal. Never hire anyone who works in politics,’

‘We know,’ he said ‘We know. There are suspicions some from the Othersides are there already,’