Tag Archives: Humour

Absolutely, Positively, Determinedly

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A subjectively, intensely heartfelt post on the possibly very controversial subject of….

Idiot man 2ADVERBS….

Now, I come not to vehemently argue the potentially inflammatorily question ….

Freinds Romans Countrymen

Of whether to use or not to use ADVERBS 

For this is truly a matter which is potentially divisive to many a previously solid relationship of friends who are normally, happily sharing a love of writing

Girls reenacting Brexit

Nay. Let me not be the inadvertently ruinous cause of such distressingly unnecessary woes

 

 

Suffice it to say I will, fearlessly state, without fear or favour  that I will personally

Brexiteer

 

continue to use, doggedly, whenever I feel the use is beneficially and artistically useful to the narrative……

Adverbs

Simply because I like them

Glee

Thus having empathetically stated succinctly my case, I bid you with all due civility and affability.

A good day

Doffing a hat

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Probably not the most interesting blog post on WP…but what the heck!

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Warning:

Just about a book I’m writing

So the first draft…..well you know how that goes…..Blaah!

Second draft, it’s the working one!

cartoon-boy-doing-a-happy-dance-by-toonaday-6279

I am ridiculously cool with it!!

Working title: ‘Daughters of the Hard Road’….. not really what I was looking for.

Revised to ‘Daughters of Circumstances. Arbiters of Consequences’

Happy

(Volume 3 -or III- and conclusion of  ‘The Precipice Dominions’ )

The Precipice Dominions

Of Patchwork Warriors

Our Skirmishers of Lace, Steel and Fire

Now to check for spulling, syntax and other stuff.

Just had to post this up….. writers will understand.

Ah well…. off to the self-editing…..

 

Wives and lover husband coming home

Shakespeare and Comedy Part II – Send in The Clowns (Apparently)

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Comedy is variable. Shakespeare understood this

Shakespeare and Comedy Part I….The Overview, Preface, Introduction, Foreword and Lamentable Observations

It is written, said, etc the Clowns, Fools in Shakespeare’s plays etc are there to provide:

(A) Risible and socially incisive commentary in the Comedies while all the characters of higher social standing run about the place talking excessively and showing as much common sense as witnessed on a Facebook political page.

(B) Emotional release for the audiences during the intensity of the Tragedies.

At least this is what we have been told by learn(ed) scholars, critics, etc. So it must be right, yeah? (Bearing in mind that everyone has to make a living somehow).

There again, whereas agony, tragedy, love, revenge, pomposity, nobility and ‘other stuff’ are universal and timeless in their depictions and subsequent appreciations, Humour is prone to all sorts of human fluctuations. Therefore if you had not been warned in advanced by learn(ed) scholars, critics, etc and you were looking at some fellow standing there ‘on the boards’ spouting away you might be wonder just what he was contributing to the play.

Let us just examining a few of these classic purveyors of chuckles, side-splitters and general guffawing:

Feste: (Twelfth Night)

Apparently a witty fool. Also one of a group of what we would these days call slackers. The others being Sir Toby Belch (well he must be comic-right?) and Sir Andrew Aguecheek (a name which was probably replete with hysterically funny undertones in the Tudor England era). These three dredges on society being complicit in playing a ‘trick’ upon a loyal and efficient household steward Malvolio and nearly driving the fellow to the brink of insanity, in a the style of which the fearful O’Brien in Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty-Four would have approved of.

Feste also sings. In fact you can’t shut the damn fellow up. To prove how witty and funny he is he comes up with jolly ditties with uplifting words such as

Come away, come away, death,

And in sad cypress let me be laid.

Fly away, fly away breath,

I am slain by a fair cruel maid. 

These days he would have a cult following amongst Goth fans, be selling albums by the truck load and getting away with all sorts of burble in interviews as being profound and deep.

Everyone assumes he is incisively hilarious because he is recorded as saying Better a witty fool than a foolish wit. Which truth be known is not the least bit funny, he has only shifted words around. At any social gathering if you can find a witty fool let me know; they are normally loudmouths (with or without alcohol) and anyone who is a wit knows when to keep their mouth shut and when to deliver the punch line. The whole line is flummery, like folk who try to pretend they know anything about the dark business of war by saying Military Intelligence is an Oxymoron- they too know ‘jack’.

It is my opinion the depection of this character relied on the skill of the actors in giving him a squeaky voice, a peculiar walk, and a whole lot of eye-rolling funny faces, so the groundlings and those at the back who couldn’t hear him would have been too busy laughing at ‘business’ rather than the lines. Shakespeare meanwhile having studied the ‘Mystery Plays’ of yore would have realised some stuff does not travel down the ages and reckoned in later centuries actors and directors would be able to turn Feste into a truly tragic character and forget trying to play him for laughs.

Launcelot Gobbo (Merchant of Venice)

Well of course with a name like that he has to be funny right? He’s also the son of Old Gobbo and if that doesn’t have you rolling in the isles, he is the servant of Shylock (A Jew-it Tudor times…must be a villan. Not that anyone in Tudor England had seen anyone jewish. But that didn’t matter- Christopher Marlowe had already slandered the entire race in his own play, the Church was displaying its traditional idocy on the subject and the common folk weren’t renowned for intelligence ), so by the standards of the day he will comically trick his master (Ha-ha-ha, the audience all said). Actually he seems to spend an inordinate amount of time trying to convince his father who he is and telling the world, in case they missed the point early on that his master is Jewish. He has a few stabs at humour these being:

‘It would seem then, that Dobbins tale grows backward: I am sure he had more hair of his tail….’

and.

‘Sola sola! wo ha, ho! sola sola!‘ (this one would no doubt rely on actions and the actor’s sense of timing of the words to get a few laughs )

As there is little else one can say without delving into the whole of the play, we best leave Gobbo (The Younger) to his making noises with a terrible Italian accent, telling everyone who his employer is and talking to Gobbo (The Elder).

The Fool (King Lear)

We know he is a fool because Lear keeps on bawling out ‘where’s my fool’ when stuck for a line. A character much belov(ed) by scholars, critics etc for what he says, when he says it and possibly why he says it. Actually none of it is the least bit funny, he is being the traditional court fool who because everyone thinks he is simple minded gets away with being rude to everyone.

Regrettably for him the main villains Edmund (a bastard- you get a few folk born out of wedlock in Shakespeare- they usually have chips on their shoulders, and considering the antics of their fathers, with good cause )  Regan and Goneril (Lear’s two eldest and ungrateful daughters, even though they are well past adolescence) and Cornwall, Regan’s hubby are all folk with no appreciation of the performing arts thus The Fool gets hung; off stage so he doesn’t even get a witty parting shot.

At one important juncture in the play, having previously been very visible, he just vanishes. It may be that Shakespeare had realised this character was going nowhere in the general mayhem arising,  planning that in later centuries scholars, critics, etc would be wondering just why this, The Fool vanished.

However, if I am to be taken seriously in this project I must not speak any further ill of The Fool in King Lear.  It’s as ruinous to a writing career as saying something unpleasant about Tiny Tim in Dickens ‘Christmas Carol’. And anyway actors have tremendous fun with the character and can get away with more ‘business’ than would normally be allowed in a tragedy.

Puck and Bottom (A Midsummer Night’s Dream)

A pair who do not deserve separate items, simply because they are irritating, maladjusted misfits who in other circumstances folk would cross a busy multi-lane road to avoid.

The former is the go’fer for the Oberon; Kings of the Faeries, Pixies (not the band) etc. Puck aside from making a boastful nuisance of himself  amongst ordinary folk, keeps hitting on the lady faeries, pixies etc of the Queen Titania. He is given one simple, albeit malicious task by Oberon which he screws up yet some how gets away with it. If he says anything funny it’s probably missed because the actor is required to rattle off the lines with the speed of a machine gun. The big challenge for the actor is that he is the only one left on stage at the end of the play and has to talk to the audience unsupported. Puck remain immortal though, because his name can sound like….. (tee-hee-how-naughty)

The latter is one of the those loudmouths. His first alleged comedy turn is by trying to do all the parts for the play he and the other rude mechanicals are putting on, we can only admire the patience of Peter Quince who has to deal with this braggart. Later on he stomps around a forest bawling out some incomprehensible song, then tries to make jokes about the rustic names of the faeries, pixies etc who soon are wishing Puck would turn up and instead of the earth put a girdle around this guy’s big mouth. Of course he has earthily humorous name. (and they put an Ass’s head on him, and we all know Ass sounds like… or in the USA somebody can be an …hole….hoh-hoh-chortle-gasp)

Actually nothing about this play is funny. It is however a fine example of Shakespeare’s forward thinking genius as I shall explain in a later post.

Falstaff (Henry IV & Merry Wives of Windsor)

Everyone has heard of Falstaff. Everyone loves the jolly corpulent old rogue.

Or so we are told.

This sponging, overweight, womanising, lying, cheating, front-line dodging (remind you of anyone?) phoney trundles through far too much of Henry IV (both parts) convincing common folk he is the real deal and being pals and drinking buddy with ‘Hal’ (Prince of Wales, son of Henry IV etc) Just as he has strained his ill-deserved luck to breaking point he finds out ‘Hal’  ie Prince of Wales is now Henry the V and up the old sot gets gleeful that being part of Henry V’s entourage he can now use the whole kingdom as his play ground.

Happily for those of us with any sense of moral compass ‘Hal’, Prince of Wales, etc now Henry V has been shrewdly growing up all through the two plays and being is king is not putting up with any spongers on his crew. Thus Falstaff gets his comeuppance in one of Shakespeare’s best speeches. This delivered coldly by Henry V:

‘I know thee not, old man. Fall to thy prayers. How ill white hairs become a fool and jester,’.…and there’s lot more of that put down in the speech….

And down he goes!….Pow! A joy to behold. I would suggest Shakespeare had seen and suffered from a few of these operators on his way up and wanted to put one in just for those lines.

Regrettably for The Bard, Falstaff was so popular, Queen Elizabeth (the I) sort of let a heavy hint drop she would like another play with the old drunk in and thus was born the extremely tedious ‘Merry Wives of Windsor’ a piece which truly tests the skills of actors to make funny, or even watchable.

Other Guys

Having dealt with the well-known ones it is worthwhile to consider some lesser known folk who are seen as comic, or may even be comic.

Citizen ( a cobbler) (Julius Caeser)

This guy is actually quite funny and leads two stiff necked senators of Rome a merry dance with a play on words of his trade ie a mender of men’s soles/souls etc. The funny part is the two stuffed togas just don’t get it and go off in a huff vandalising scarfs draped on statues. Pity he’s not around to heckle Brutus or Mark Anthony when they are politicising over Caeser’s corpse.

Porter (MacBeth)

King Duncan has been horribly slain by MacBeth and two loyal guards are going to be framed. So what do we need at this point in a play from involving more murders and infanticide? Why of course we need a drunken comic fellow who takes an age to get to a castle door. Apparently it stands to reason and most certainly does not break up the narrative, no indeed it does not, every critic, scholar and commentator worth their monthly salary will tell you so. This deadbeat takes so long about it and is about as witty as Feste it could be argued the next character on scene provides tragic relief. It is more likely Shakespeare was being kind to an old actor currently down on his luck who had been helpful to a younger Shakespeare. Hence the old showbiz saying ‘Be nice on the way up. You never know who you’ll meet on the way down’

Dogberry (Much Ado About Nothing)

Actually he is the best thing in this otherwise questionable and ‘problem’ play. How can you fail with a small-town, stuffed up and stupid law officer? I mean that sort of character is a gem. He’d raise a laugh in Titus Andronicus.  But more about him in the post dealing with this very mis-understood play of Shakespeare’s – it’s right up there with ‘Midsummer’s Night Dream’ 

Clown (Othello)

Yep! Believe it or not, there is one. Several productions wisely leave him out. He turns up as a servant when Othello and Desdemona are trying to get some shut-eye and a band of strolling players starts up an impromptu concert right underneath their bedroom window. So down goes the guy, finds out they are playing wind instruments….oh…yeah…wawwwait fot it…Fart jokes!

If he had stayed around any longer no doubt main villain Iago would have justifiably stabbed him to death then as part of his plans implied Othello had killed the man in a fit of Moorish rage over burnt toast, or lumpy gravy.

Conclusion

Humour changes. Shakespeare’s genius was such he perceived this and thus wrote in ways which enabled many roles to be reversed. This will be examined in later posts.

Shakespeare and Comedy Part I….The Overview, Preface, Introduction, Foreword and Lamentable Observations

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As I look back over my near seventy years one of my regrets is that I did not spend more time on Shakespeare. All those plays; some thirty and eight…ie those we have on record, and we have the sonnets (except they don’t attract me, which says more about me than the quality of the sonnets). All those books about the plays, all those plays about the plays, and so on. So on retiring in 2013 I resolved to cram a lot into my remaining years upon this particular world….and that would be an ideal cue for a soliloquy of my own, but that would be just self-indulgent, something I leave up to Hamlet.

Now in these recent years I have discovered the plays are quite formally divided up into

History Plays (English Kings, exclusively. In these there are good solid reasons for their behaviours, flaws etc…All the foreigners who are kings etc are naturally comic or irrationally tragic).

Tragedies (Exclusively about foreigners- see above. In those days Scots were foreigners; in fact in those days, if you lived in the South of England those in the North of England were foreigners)

Romances (Which he wrote in his latter years 1607-1613, indicating some thought he had been getting sentimental in his old age)

Comedies (I contend some jokes and situations do not travel very well down the ages. And more importantly Shakespeare had other and secret agendas ).

Now before we go any further, to be fair to THE BARD, I would argue he did not have filing cabinets with those categories engraved there upon and into which he dutifully filed notes and completed plays. True often in cases he gave the game away with such titles as ‘The Tragedy of Titus Andronicus’ or ‘THE TRAGEDY OF  King Richard the third or ‘A PLEASANT  Conceited Comedie CALLED,  Lou(that’s a ‘v’ to us) es labors lost.’ However it was only after he died was the whole body of work categorised into quartos. This was so every Person of Letters could have tremendous fun in years later arguing over which play should really be where. This is a complex business. So much so that some learn(ed) folk who study these things have thrown up their hands in exasperation and have quite rightly called some plays ‘problems’ ‘All’s Well that Ends Well’ being a classic example, to which I would, personally, add ‘Much Ado About Nothing’.(Never mind how many ‘Hey-Nonni-Nonnies’ might be fitted into a production).

Thus the itemising of Shakespeare’s plays into one category or another is one which should be approached with caution. In particular The Comedies. For if someone who is quite new to a Shakespearean comedy  were to sit down expecting an evening of jolly harmless laughs or witty incisive humour at every turn then they will be disappointed, puzzled or left looking to some work of reference to make sure they have turned up at the right play.

Now whereas when visiting say such as Titus Andronicus if the person has been properly warned by a kindly and experienced friend they will be ready for something in which there will be no humour. If they do think they have found it, they should stop at once and treat themselves to a diet of rom-coms until the unhealthy notion goes away. For this is a play where everyone (with the exception of Lavinia – Titus’s daughter and victim of everyone’s spite, malice and cruelty ) goes out of their way to be vicious and only too ready to misunderstand or suspect everyone else.  Most careen about the place with all the ill-humour of a room full of folk recovering from a night of too much drinking, looking to avenge even the slightest sideways look, never mind what happens when there is worse.

There is a character titled ‘Clown’ although being given such lines as

‘Alas sir, I know not Jupiter; I never drank with him in all my life’

OR

‘ ‘Tis he. God and Saint Stephen give you a good den.’

It is not surprising, to the relief of the audience that he is hung by the emperor Saturninus who up until then has been seen to be very evil, but at this juncture might well gain some measure of approval from the said audience.

To give THE BARD his due he was simply writing in a genre of the day The Revenge Play. A piece of entertainment which if did not produce, at least two ghastly, stalking villains (of another religion being preferred); betrayals at every scene; a double figure of deaths (the more horrid the better), several insanities and a hero who ends up being both mad and dead (in either order) then the audience would feel cheated out of the coin they had paid and demand recompense.

Thus having demonstrated the obvious opposite let us return to the matter of  The Comedies

From my intense (in terms of time allocated, not feverish style of reading) study of these particular plays in comparison with The Tragedies I have to assert Shakespeare’s genius was such he was actually mixing and melding the two genre’s. This would not be unusual in playwriting (though in some cases it is inadvertent), however Shakespeare did take this several steps further, challenging perceptions and, yea, even having the wit and foresight to write one way for his times realising how this would be viewed in another era. In consequence it will be necessary to examine and compare examples of each.

Thus in subsequent posts certain traditional views will be jettisoned.

In this venture I must once more pay tribute to the following writers:

Jerome K Jerome: Author of Three Men In A Boat, for his general powers of observation on the human condition.

Richards Armour: One of great American humourists of the mid 20th Century for his invaluable works on literature:

In subsequent posts matters will be looked at in more depths of the plays, the characters the types of characters, the cultural atmosphere of the time, and so forth.

 

 

Musings on Writing- You Should Always…. 2

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You should always…

Upon receiving a rejection maintain a dignified air 

Vintage engraving of a victorian era professor or schoolmaster reading a book.

True, there is nothing wrong in a small private release and annoyance

Royalty-free vector clipart of a little girl dressed in orange and pink, sticking her tongue out while holding a doll.

 

Upon receipt of that rejection notice….

You might even indulge in a modest amount of arrogant dismissal of the opinions voiced there in….

(Women writers are advised not to don a moustache and beard while doing this as it detracts from the overall aura of that most devestating of weapons……female distain) 

However once the disappointment and annoyance are out of your system…

Tricycle 1

And you have returned to equilibrium

Remember this:

Behind every successful writer are editors who rejected their work and would now rather not be reminded of it

Musings on Writing- Don’t You Love It When….1

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Don’t you love it when…

Happy

There you were fully aware you have to do this piece of dialogue linking one part of the narrative with another while adding depth to the relationship of two characters, and  you only have a slender thread of an idea to work with.

2

Yet, when you sit down and start….hesitantly at first

Hesitant writer

however the words begin to appear

Inspiration

Thence dialogue, description and development floweth forth, interludes from brief chapters start to slot into place in bountiful continuity

author-busy-work-author-busy-writing-his-book-115410909

And suddenly…..all is well.

In your writing world.

Treasure these moments.

 

 

 

 

Musings on Writing- Don’t You Hate It When….2

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Don’t you hate it when…

Frustration

You have invested time and muse to create this character of whom you are justly proud and feel this might well be the one who will get you noticed, even if a modest way…..

And then…..

You innocently browse what’s going on in new books, or media etc Surfing

Only to find…….

Rage

A successful, well-known, and beloved by many author has created almost the self same character in their latest work……. now on display on many GoodReads, Literary Critic’s Column etc.

OR

Is the central character in a new streaming.

Of course you are entitled to react:

Melodrama Girls

In various ways….

fed_up_woman-620x412

Gefühle-Die-Leiden-des-jungen-Werthers-676x884

Victorian image

Yet take comfort gentle writer

Young woman, finger on lips, looking confused surprised

For if you can come up with something as good as the successful, beloved, etc, etc author, then you must have a pretty cool talent working on there.

Repair thereforeSea Captain

Woman determined

Dear writer

And

Tweak so no one will really notice

Wink

Successful, well-known and beloved by many types of authors do it all the time. 

 

Musings on Writing- You Should Always…. 1

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You should always…

When you are conducting that most perilous of tasks…THE RE-WRITE

Alice in Wonderland

Upon re-discovering one of those true gems you created (you might think inadvertently…The Muses know better )

Muses

 

say something like:

‘Yessssssss!’

Wives and lovers happy woman

Congratulate yourself Laughing Guy…..Yep! You’ve earned it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let off steam with a little dance…physical or allegorical

cartoon-boy-doing-a-happy-dance-by-toonaday-6279

And treasure this interlude through the rest of the hard-slog that is the lot of the Writer.

Know ye this…..

plato

Let the words flow (you can sort them out later)

Writing 2

Writing 3

Writing 4

writer-2….. See…….. I can do it!

 

Aureyborealice. A Fable in Several Parts…Pt XV

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Pt XV… ‘If it were done when ’tis done, then ’twere well. It were done jollily’ 

Whinsome was hoping things could not get anymore complicated and sardonically was not surprised to find a maid at the apartment door bobbing and saying

‘M’m, Your Highness. The Chancellor of the Exchequer, The High Diplomat and some bishops are here to see you on matters of urgency,’

Aureyborealice looked up from weeping into Whinsome’s morning dress. There was a rather serious expression on her face.

‘Ah. Then this is it. They have come to discuss with you my very credible demise through some convenient malady I didst catch while footling about in the snows of the north,’ she tilted her head up in a noble fashion and sighed ‘What must be, must be. Though Whinsome I do not really bear you any ill-will-‘

‘Oh sush twiddle-head!’ Whinsome said hugging the girl ‘There will be no demises credible or otherwise!’ she grasped one hand, it was slightly slippery because Aureyborealice had been wiping her nose on it but Whinsome was in,  as some of the peasants of Trundlealong would say a  ‘Don’t make no nevermind,’ mood ‘Come let us together face this crisis, as a couple,’

‘Oh Whinsome,’ Aureyborealice said lovingly, pausing to blow her nose on her sleeve (you’d be somewhat relieved to read…. hers that is, not Whinsome’s)

‘No more honking of the shnozer,’ Whinsome commanded and with the maid assisting had Aureyborealice to look presentable  of hair, eyes, face and of course nose.

 

Whinsome frowned, Aureyborealice flinched. Aside from Chancellor and High Diplomat there were bishops Hylorididoda (also known as Old Baldy Pate), Humfelsteffstong (Ol’ Sour Fizzog ) and of course Quirrblelong. Quirrblelong did have his benign expression though. Whinsome noticed the other two did not look particularly censorious, she supposed that was something to do with her releasing them from that tower.

‘My lords temporal and spiritual,’ she said using a general catch-all term, Aureyborealice, slightly behind her squeaking the same greeting, one word late, and then called out.

‘It was not Whinsome’s fault! ‘Twas my vanities, mischiefs, dreams, schemes, plots and silly things!’

‘Please good sirs,’ interposed Whinsome, treading on her companion’s toe ‘Princess Aureyborealice is to be excused. She fell out of bed this morning and knocked her head. I am quite aware the extraordinary actions by Doctrindoss have shown him to be unsuitable to be The Arch-High Elect Supervisor for The Supreme One, thus calling into questioning our,’ squeeze of hand of Aureyborealice ‘Union and since I argued at some length in support of his judgement my right to the throne of Dingledong is also at fault. We must summon the council and-‘

Humfelsteffstong cleared his throat.

‘Your highness,’ and he bowed somewhat ‘Firstly by your actions of releasing both myself and Bishop Hylorididoda and the very sober way you have conducted the,’ lesser clearing of throat ‘Command of the throne and administration of this confused realm you have shown yourself a worthy ruler,’

‘Might we sit down and discuss this over cakes and light wines?’ asked Hylorididoda hopefully.

Whinsome glanced to The Chancellor and the High Diplomat whose individual impassive faces suggested there was, as usual more to this than met the eye. Quirrblelong winked.

‘Not a word,’ Whinsome told Aureyborealice. 

 

‘You see, ‘ explained Humfelsteffstong ‘Doctrindoss in recent years, possibly twenty, had become prey to vanities of the most tedious sort and could talk at great length wearing down anyone of normal sensibilities. As many of us had other duties to attend to, it was, to our chagrin and mortification easier to agree with him rather than spend pointless hours, even days and nights going about in circles, sometimes literal ones as he was want to walk when talking. When the, ahem, event of the wedding took place we hoped this would be the opportunity we needed to have him removed, but then you, your majesty was so stalwart and dignified,’

‘And could thwack opportunistic, greedy cousins with a staff,’ Aureyborealice said with enthusiasm ‘Thus saving the realm from snotty deadbeats,’

‘Quite so,’ said Hylorididoda through a mouthful of cake. ‘And caused Doctrindoss to overstep the mark with trying to marry Strebvest (The Plain) and Clodgrop (The Mundane),’

‘We have just managed to get the joint armies to raise their siege of Turgidan,’ The High Diplomat said ‘Never have the nations of Hasselduff and Moochenmuch demonstrated so much ire. We had to ask your brother Hanselfrendlesten the new king of Grunzelpratz to intervene with a military demonstration. He was very co-operative and by stealth had from under the noses of Strebvest (The Plain) and Clodgrop (The Mundane),’ detained Doctrindoss for his own safety, apparently in a very tall and remote tower in Grunzelpratz. He was allowed to take his tin whistle,’

‘He has always believed himself to be a master of the instrument,’ Hylorididoda said wearily but expunging the many memories of recitals by  taking another cake.

Whinsome held up one hand in a regal gesture best translated as ‘Just wait a turnip choppin’ minute’   

‘This turn of events is one of those types, my dear sirs I am becoming no longer surprised by. So there is to be a new The Arch-High Elect Supervisor for The Supreme One. Now how do we conjuncture this with my abdication and the elevation of,’ tender squeeze of the hand ‘Princess Aureyborealice to the position of Queen. Have a cake dear,’ Whinsome concluded by shoving a piece of confectionary into Aureyborealice’s mouth before she could say anything. 

‘Oh we don’t want that at all,’ said Humfelsteffstong ‘No. You as a couple are not the issue. Woman married unto woman hath led to the end of forced jolliness, gifted us with a sensible regent, then queen, put an end to the insufferable Twoodoodle and my colleagues in Grunzelpratz say rid them of the most singularly useless royal house and a clutch of opportunistic conniving bishops and nobles. As far as we can discern ’tis as good a sign of the Will of The Supreme Being as any,’

‘Ooooh’ squealed Aureyborealice in delight, spraying cake crumbs all over the place and before Whinsome could stop here ‘See Whins, you shall have to grow man bits now!’

Whinsome solved the embarrassment by a slight smile and a brief mime indicating a knock on the noggin’. She rose, everyone else did, brushing off cake crumbs with Whinsome shoving Aureyborealice back to her apartments saying.

‘Interesting news then my good sirs. We shall have to get the council in as well and discuss how to iron out the bumps, tidy the corners and put forward our own candidate for Arch-Priest,’ she concluded by looking very knowingly at Humfelsteffstong.

 

Later that day after Whinsome had managed to get Aureyborealice to calm down and remember just how composed, thoughtful and generally astute she had been back in the early spring. There came another visit from The Chancellor of the Exchequer and The High Diplomat.

‘There are two pretenders to the throne,’ said the latter ‘They may or not be ……ahem….natural…ahem….. children of your father Princess Aureyborealice, they are garnering opportunistic and disaffected folk and a few who claim Doctrindoss’ removal was a conspiracy,’

Aureyborealice frowned and tapped her fingers on one knee, Whinsome was so relieved to see the calculating look back in her eyes.

‘Much money and nobility behind them Chancellor?’ Aureyborealice asked. She did so want Whinsome to see she could be very cool and composed, again. What had happened? Maybe there were indeed naughty elves and mischievous pixies who had influenced her…(Oh MY!)

He handed Aureyborealice a list, The High Diplomat handed her one of outside trouble makers, she examined them.

‘Hmm. I see. Well Chancellor of The Exchequer. Cry Havoc and Release Headless Chickens of The Market,’ she turned to Whinsome ‘It is a code Whins. Something Chancellor was working on as soon as he found out about your parents Lychee venture, when I discovered what he was about I thought it the cleverest thing ever,’

‘As said I would have preferred if you had asked directly Princess Aureyborealice, but never mind. Your Highness?’

‘Will this harm the stupid speculating in Lychees?’

‘Very much so,’ Aureyborealice and the Chancellor said together.

‘Good!’

It did not take long. The first set of rumours were released which suggested the return on the growing of Lychees was a lot less than anyone had believed. Then the Chancellor ordered the sudden selling at a loss of the few stocks his offices still held to another office he had set up, having sold most holdings at the height of the market speculation. Ten already placed agents masquerading  as Lychee merchants made much of panicking in places of trading. The next set of rumours were about a possible fly which caused havoc in the crop. This was the signal for five more agents to set out a panic. By the end of the week the whole Lychee market had collapsed and lots of nobles, including the supporters of two pretenders to the throne of Dingledong were facing financial ruination. The Chancellor and his networks having turned their vast early profits into gold just planned for the next part.

Meanwhile The High Diplomat through his own networks ensured certain chosen and dependable nobles, kings, bishops etc were not affected, too much (the latter bit, just a reminder for them as to who was who and wot wuz wot)

‘So the ordinary folk won’t suffer?’ Whinsome asked for the severaleth time of Aureyborealice.

‘Oh no silly,’ feeling confident enough these taps to tap Whinsome’s nose ‘We have taken away any threatening power bases left since they are now all very poor and are being chased by their soldiers for unpaid wages. We filter capital into the economy, hire up the angry unpaid soldiers and lend them to your brother so he can convince your parents to descend from the throne and he can then set up a whole new kingdom made up of Trundlealong and Grunzelpratz. Your parents will receive a gift of gold to enable them to go far away and retire,’

‘Ah? Why was I not told about this?’

‘Because Wins. The Chancellor and the High Diplomat wanted to see how well you could handle things on your own,’ she sighed ‘And you were so clever, brave, bold and ruthless in a nice sort of way,’ she sighed again ‘Are you sure you wouldn’t like to…..Errr….well…y’know?’

‘Rorie. I have explained to you, severaleth times, I don’t want to….Errr….well…y’know. And it’s no use you leaving that copy of ‘The Adventures of The Bold Princesses Themelene and Louentha’ under my pillow all the time. Why that pair did not hurt their backs or catch chills from their frequent cavortings in woods and fields I knoweth not,’

‘Ah you did read it then!’

‘I flipped through the pages. And every flip revealed the same sort of….ahem…activities. There was a certain element of unimaginative repetition,’

‘Ah. Yeah. I’ll give you that! Now in  ‘The Lustful Revenge of the Scorn(ed) Princess Nyshel’ia of Old Meldanovrava’….. ‘

‘No. Now we have another day’s statecraft ahead of us. Put your busy mind to that,’

‘It’s going to be about legislation to allow women marry women and men marry men. You’ll let every one else go twiddle-wheedle-didlly-doo! But not us. Why?’

‘Rorie,’ Whinsome pleaded getting heated about the collar ‘You say you like…err..men’s….well y’knows. I have to say having seen some of your books I am sure I would too,’

‘I know a place where they make….’

‘I am sure you do! Honestly I do not want to know about your years of nights of sneaking out over garden walls! Look! Did we not admit to each that night of porlonged wine tasting we both wanted to have babies?…And before you ask again, your aunt has told me to tell you to stop being a noodle-hutch about the matter,’ Whinsome began to make expansive gestures with her hands and in exasperation her fingers ‘We cannot make each other pregnant!!’

‘Awwwww……….Pbbbbffffth!’

 

After that particular conversation Aureyborealice did settle down, somewhat, but did not actually stop making enquiries of Whinsome if she had changed her mind, though she did throw herself into the role of being consort, and generally productive in the administration, she and the High Diplomat having frequent conversations concerning certain matters, Aureyborealice reckoning it was the only way she could work off her frustrations. Aside from certain unpleasant characters meeting unpleasant ends, she also was instrumental in having some thought being given to having the land renamed, though no one could agree on what. She also aided her brother in sneaky ways in stopping incursions over his eastern borders from the previously disinterested smallish empire of Zrenzbragh whose emperor Hullibi (The XXth) had decided that the present ruckus to his west was a good opportunity; it was not working out well for him, in fact Frendlehanz was extending his domain, which since his liege lord was Vilfahengo ( The Back To Being Iron, In An Affable Way) made the said king content. She also ensured gold was passed to Prince Hulstorm of Rahsemindia to construct a navy to deal with pesky pirates raiding his coasts, of course he had no difficulty in massacring them on lands, but wanted to get them sorted out for good.

Whinsome felt these activities kept her spouse occupied, most of the time, while she dealt with the daily grindly business, thus giving her excuses to keep out of the way of Aureyborealice, who although would be such a good friend and companion was….well would not let the other business rest.

Meanwhile she was given even more praise by a relieved council, and a bemused public that she had cured Aureyborealice of her fit of noodle-hutchness.

 

To mark her first year as queen Whinsome let her council have its way and arrange a celebration, a modest one she told them! Aureyborealice’s brother Frendlehanz (now Wolf of The North), Prince Hulstorm (The Sternly, Just, Wise, Protective of The People….and that was quite enough he had said) of Rahsemindia, and her own brother King Hanselfrendlesten of Varadin (an old name for the region, and a snootle (a quite vulgar word) to the other names) all attended. There was much celebration and joy and Aureyborealice sneaked some aphrodisiac out of the supply her brother had brought down for ‘a friend’ (customer).

Whinsome to the joy of the crowds of ordinary folk walked amongst them chatting and giggling with children, gave a few folk awards and titles (paid for– Chancellor’s insistence ) and attended a few weddings betwixt men and men and women and women. She also sent a public message of congratulations to the new Arch-High Elect Supervisor for The Supreme One, Humfelsteffstong.

And was walking along a corridor to change in comfortable clothing, when out leapt a soggy ragged fellow with a knife:

‘Har-har! I Bishop Twoodoodle will cleanse this realm’

And stabbed her and she fell.

He was apprehended, thumped and kicked. Hulstorm said he would take the wretch back with him, he would be towed through a long and muddy river to The Tower where he would be placed with ten other wretches, for soever as long as they might live ( like who cared?)

There was mourning through the realms. Dingledong was renamed Whinslea. Both Queen-in-Being Aureyborealice of Whinslea and King Hanselfrendlesten of Varadin were wretched in their grief thus nudged together by the High Diplomat and the more subtle of his agents. Thus finding comfort with each other by the winter they were married and negotiations were started for a merging of the nations.

‘Oh he does so look like Whinsome, and he does have very nice man bits’, Aureyborealice reflected one day as she laid flowers on the grave. At the men’s insistence Whinsome had been buried with military honours and her wooden staff )

 

The next spring The High Diplomat on a journey to discuss things with King Hanselfrendlesten‘s council stopped by a small, modest farm to ask if he could have a drink, it being a warmish day. The young lady farmer invited him in, along with three men dressed in black. She poured them all a light wine.

‘How are you then Whinsome?’

‘Quite at peace High Diplomat. Known here as Somiwhen, proficient in farming, arguing jovially with the local cleric and use of a staff with any passing fellow who thinks he has some sort of right over my body. How are Aureyborealice and Hanselfrendlesten?’

‘They rule in a sedate, reflective and measured way. Not quite the frenetic folk of yore,’

‘I am pleased to hear it. Hanselfrendlesten was going to get himself killed one day looking for wars, and as for Aureyborealice, her fixation with us…err….well…y’know was making the dynamic somewhat difficult, the things she left under my pillow! Thus my argument not to execute Twoodoodle when he was washed up at a sewer outlet was useful was it not,’

‘It was a good plan, letting him think he had escaped, having an agent masking as a supporter and giving him the silly bending knife laced with the soporific drug. Getting the balance correct so the scratch would suffice was a trial,’

‘So was lying in state for a day then having to hold my breath during visits by mourners and being smuggled out in a burlap sack of broad beans. Still it was worth it. Please tell the Chancellor of the Exchequer I am being most careful with my gold retirement fund,’

‘I will, but he is a little distracted these days. His office caught out an adventurous widow who had cleverly embezzled a Lychee trust before the collapse. It was love at first sight,’

The pair laughed. The agents were trained not to do so when on duty. The High Diplomat bade Whinsome good fortune and went on his way.

At dusk the local cleric came calling. A fellow of her age who had fled his hopeless royal family of Grunzelpratz. Very sobered by the event he had taken on this new identity. As they grew to know each other he confessed this to her and begged her keep his secret.

There was tenderness. Quite often.

‘Oh Somiwhen, if only we could be married. Yet clerics must not,’

‘I think, dear Kurntool,’ she replied, while brewed an idea involving waylaying the High Diplomat on his return journey and asking one last big favour ‘In view of recent events things might change in our favour,’

And they all lived as well as anyone could reasonably expect. 

 

THE END

Aureyborealice, A Fable in Several Parts…Part I

Aureyborealice, A Fable in Several Parts…Part II

Aureyborealice, A Fable in Several Parts…Part III

Aureyborealice. A Fable in Several Parts…Pt IV

Aureyborealice. A Fable in Several Parts…Pt V

Aureyborealice. A Fable in Several Parts…Pt VI

Aureyborealice. A Fable in Several Parts…Pt VII

Aureyborealice. A Fable in Several Parts…Pt VIII

Aureyborealice. A Fable in Several Parts…Pt IX

Aureyborealice. A Fable in Several Parts…Pt X

Aureyborealice. A Fable in Several Parts…Pt XI

Aureyborealice. A Fable in Several Parts…Pt XII

Aureyborealice. A Fable in Several Parts…Pt XIII

Aureyborealice. A Fable in Several Parts…Pt XIV

Aureyborealice. A Fable in Several Parts…Pt XIV

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Pt XIV… ‘To be jolly. Or not to be jolly. That is the question‘

Meanwhile….

Prince Hulstorm had journeyed far and wide, albeit it in a smallish way, along the North West of Dingledong. He had slew(ed) some who would not see sense; some guilty wretches found skulking were hauled out of their skulking places while others, pitiful folk threw themselves down on their knees and after say ‘Ouch! My knees!’ confessed and beg(ed) forgiveness for their transgressions. With everyone now calling him ‘Great and Dread Sovereign Within Whose Shadow We Seek Sanctuary and Wisdom In Thy Justice and Mercy’.  He hoped that would be the end of the titles, he kept forgetting what he was about to say.

Because there was Lady Rahsemynd always accompanying him there was a lot less slewing. She being ever ready to convince him to show Justice, Mercy and for good measure Clemency. He was a bit conflicted; slaying or slewing was the Chilbinian Way, while showing Justice, Mercy etc, meant there was a danger of him being granted even more titles, these not being suited to his austere and uncomplicated ways (ie slaying). HOWEVER  whenever Faye Lady Rahsemynd spoke in those gentle, kind, yet firm ways how could he argue with her? For did she not ride her horse in a dignified manner? Was she not always uncomplaining over the rigours and discomforts of constant travel? For she was not wont to scratch under her armpits, did not clean out her nose and ears with a finger, nor make noises ill-becoming to a lady after eating. Were not the peasantry constantly praising her with weepingful joys and blessings? And was she not most pleasantly sensible, down-to-earth and practical company, not being liable to suddenly  to dance barefooted or sing to rabbits like one little nut-hutch he could mention? Yes, it was only right and proper he should accede to her pleas, to let her sternly, but fairly lecture those transgressors on the errors of their ways and have them take most solemn oaths to devote themselves to good works for the community at only basic wages and accommodation. Also weeping they did agree.  (and those few mean spirits who did this just for show were aware there was a very grim Chilbinian with a sword standing behind her, so they had best get on board with the new ways).

Thus did the North West plead(eth) for Hulstorm to stay and be their prince and rule them sternly but wisely. He was of an unusual dither over this and pondered in the night; thence did appear, softly Faye Lady Rahsemynd.

‘Prince Hulstorm,’ she said for she was not one for titles and anyway did not want to embarrass the dear boy who was so obviously flustered by them ‘I would ask, for the good of these people that you should accept this offer and help them to repair(eth) the damage wrought over these years past(ed)’

At this instant the moonlight did fall upon her eyes and sparkle most delightfully therein while a gentle breeze did raise strands of her auburn hair into an entrancing dance, some stroking the small mouth, currently bearing the hint of a smile.

Hulstorm thence fell to his knees, but being of soldier upbringing had trousers sufficient to take the impact so suffered upon them no injury. Gently he did take her hand and with unusually soft voice did ask.

‘Only dear lady, if thou wouldst be my wife. For I cannot hope to take on such a task without you beside for me. This I must confess unto thee, within this turbulent heart has grown a love for thee,’

Faye Lady Rahsemynd put one hand to her heart and flustered.

‘Oh my. Dear Hulstorm, though my heart doeth soar and sing to hear these words, what is to be done about this,’ for once she was stuck for words ‘That strange wedding early this spring?’

‘Oh that hoo-hah!’ in other company he would have used more earthy language ‘ Dear gentle Faye Lady Rahsemynd, know ye that since the demise of the unworthy Twoodoodle, the priests of Chilbin have secretly journeyed here to speak with their brothers-in-faith who for years have kept secret loyalty to the northern ways of faith unto the Supreme Being and careth not for any Arch High Elect Supervisor for The Supreme One ?’

‘Well, yes my dearest Hulstorm but I thought(eth)…’

Emboldened by the wonderfully persisting moonlight on her eyes, he placed one finger to her lips.

‘Then worryeth not any more Fayre Lady Rahsemynd, for we shall take solemn and biding oaths to follow northern ways of belief, I shall personal and independent make renouncement of that Stupid Wedding (oh the relief to say that!) and we shall be married in plain and simple ceremony,’

Of course the young woman gave out with a small cry of joy, naturally did he kiss her hand and since the moon would not leave those eyes alone did he hold her close and they conducted a small swirl of a dance.

Nearby two rough and common soldiers watched on. One wiped his eyes and blew his nose into his sleeve.

‘I likes a nice romantic interlude,’ he confessed.

‘Yer,’ agreed his comrade, sniffling ‘Makes a pleasant change from all them betrayals, slewings and loud trysting in woods, what keeps you awake at night,’

 

‘Humph,’ commented King Vilfahengo from a bed located in a smallish recently conquered castle on the border betwixt Dingledong and Chilbin ‘This despatch is from my usually worthless son Hulstorm. It appears he has annexed the north-west of Dingledong and by popular acclaim been made prince. Also he is to marry The Fayre and Much Adored By The People Lady Rahsemynd and in her honour by popular acclaim name the land Rahsemindia. Humph,’ he turned the page of the despatch ‘He also says he acknowledges me as Lord Sovereign and renounces anything that Arch High Elect Supervisor for The Supreme One said about any wedding as heresy, blasphemy and so forth. Hmmm? I wonder what the Throne of Dingledong thinks of this? I forget who actually sits there,’

‘I can answer that my ever attentive lord,’ said Lady Frastreiayal of The Grim Northern Mountain of Urnnnng from the depths of the luxurious bedding ‘I have a letter here from Queen Whinsome of Dingledong.  You may recall we have been in correspondence for some time over the question of Princess Aureyborealice who was far too clever, scheming, eforvescent and  know-all for my peace of mind. Queen Whinsome has also received correspondence from your son. She agrees to his wishes and apparently has told any nobles who have complained to go and count their Lychee holdings. It would seem the north-west now known as Rahsemindia and the rest of Dingledong parted cultural ways years ago, most folk, she says do not give a,’ she paused ‘ Snooddlewip…. I assume that must be some vulgarity in common usage in Trundlealong,’

‘Hmmm,’ Vilfahengo (currently The Nearly Affable) said, being steward over lots of barbarians he was not used to having things go along in such an easy manner. ‘Mind you, I wonder how with the flame haired and fiery Magnificalorin; daughter of Gurt Broadsword feels about the business?’

‘I have been notified by this despatch,’ said Lady Frastreiayal of The Grim Northern Mountain of Urnnnng  (and quite content with matters as they were going) as she waved a rather grubby piece of parchment ‘She has been so busy intent on holding hostage Prince Frendlehanz and despoiling him, that within the next few months there will be evidence of her efforts.He was ceremonially kicked by Vargahona, the girl’s mother, in the ‘Ol’ Synggs’, the traditionally expected response by the parent when they find their unmarried daughter has been put ‘Up The Duff’ by a lad, and then the pair were married with much celebration and slapping on his back. On hearing the news Gurt Broadsword called for a true with Prince Hanselfrendlesten of Trundlealong who has been currently marching up and down Grunzelpratz. The Prince agreed since who was he to stop a fellow celebrating his daughter’s wedding, especially to Good Friend Frendlehanz? And anyway since King Jerbloom, his association of doctrinal bishops, three opportunistic dukes and his three singularly useless sons are reported to have been slain here and there along with their generally not-very bright loyal  supporters someone had to run the land didn’t they? So there he was staying and would  not pursue any barbarians who were going back home. How very nice and tidy. Think you not my ever present lord?’

‘Hmmmmm? So neither boy is paying attention to that old fool of an Arch-Idiot?’

‘It would seem not. The event was been taken as a most useful occurrence which led to constructive thinking,’

‘Hmmmmmmm. That still leaves the problem of Princess Aureyborealice. Hmmmm. Dear Lady,’ he said putting down the papers and taking her hand ‘Let us be married. It will make things much, as you say nice and,’ and rare laugh ‘tidy’

‘My lord. I thought you would never ask,’

Vilfahengo was getting quite used to this jolliness business. In measured doses of course. And he had to admit he and Lady Frastreiayal of The Grim Northern Mountain of Urnnnng had worked out just the right doses.

 

Even more Meanwhile….

At the abode of Queen Whinsome, in particular the apartments of Princess Aureyborealice 

‘Pbbbbffffth!’

‘Good morning to you too Aureyborealice. Did you sleep well?’

‘As if you cared Whinsome….. The Sneaky! I hope you get fleas in your undergarments at the next ceremony when everyone is watching you and you have to sit still,’

‘My maids, my ladies and I regularly check my undergarments Aureyborealice. Three attempts of your we have foiled. You really should accept how things are. Your father was a hopeless bed-hopper. Your brother is glad to be out of the business and cheerfully progenying. While you,’ Whinsome sighed ‘When everyone found out how adept you were at getting their secrets and manipulating behind the scenes but making the class mistake of boasting once,’ she knelt beside the girl currently in a magnificent sulk on her bed ‘Well no one trusted you to do things properly. You can’t treat the whole thing as a lark Rorie,’

‘Not supposed to call me that anymore,’ snuffled Aureyborealice ‘We’re not best friends. An’ you’re so mean. You let them shoot arrows into my bottom!’

‘That was only once and with a drugged dart when you first tried to escape by climbing over the garden wall. I told the royal guard they would have to find other ways to stop you as that practice would make you too sore and woozily in the head,’

‘Then they dropped a smelly ol’ net on me. And how did you train big sloppy dogs to chase me, catch me and lick my face senseless?’

‘You must stop trying to escape. Accept things as they are until everything settles down and then we can decide what is best. You won’t have to wait long. Vilfahengo has gone back over the border, well I know the border has edged a bit north but like the new nation of Rahsemindia, no one here really wanted those bits and amongst those native there the feeling was mutual,’

‘And my aunt has married Vilfahengo…… The Grumpy! My stupid brother has gone barbarian-‘

‘He merely defended his pregnant wife by correctly slaying usurpers and his Father-in-Law Gurt Broadsword is very pleased with him. He has been given a wedding present of his own tribe, the survivors of the attempted usurpation. They are now engaging in productive agriculture albeit in a trade of aphrodisiacs which the locals have been using for centuries. Very popular in the six kingdoms,’

Aureyborealice considered her slippers, she hated stupid curled up toes, she was sure Whinsome had made it mandatory she could only wear fluffy slippers with bells and curled up toes, you couldn’t sneak in those and there were limits to barefooting. She snuffled again and pouted. Sneaky Whinsome being nice to her.

‘Ohhhhhh Whinsome you are so clever and adapt. An’ folk pay you respect for that and because you can thwack with the staff anyone who attacks you,’ Aureyborealice pout turned to an a skewed hopeful smile ‘I know! I have a plan. You consume lots of those aphrodisiac plants your brother is growing, and I’ll ask my Aunt Frastreiayal if she can use her special powers, which you are bound to know about, to help you grow man bits and then,’ she sighed ‘I could have your babies,’

Whinsome had thought when Frastreiayal had written to her outlining just this very thing Aureyborealice might suggest, Whinsome had assumed the lady was indulging in some sardonic northern living-too-long-in-a-remote-castle-jest. As she massaged her nose between her thumb and finger she mentally apologised.

‘Rorie,’ she began with a sympathetic smile, which was taken the wrong way

‘Ooooh you agree!’

‘You see,’ Whinsome forged on ‘This is why I am queen and you are not. You have all these colourful ideas, some of which work but others are simply wacky-doodle,’

‘But I like man bits,’ protested Aureyborealice.

‘I will not ask for details of how you reached that judgement. Apart from the fact it is a load of goozlestrutzen of an idea, I do not wish to have man bits. I am perfectly content with my body as it is,’

‘But we are married!’ wailed Aureyborealice

Whinsome was beginning to wonder whether the dose of the something in the wine all those weeks ago had been a measure too strong and had lasting effects. There again there could be ‘something in the family’ after all. One had to consider just exactly what was in the crossbow bolt. Or mayhap the strain of keeping all of her plans in that busy head and having some go down the privy had unsettled Aureyborealice’s balance of judgement. And there was the chance it was a combination of the whole lot, for she had been so very astute at the onset, in a breezy ebullient sort of way.

Whinsome sat on the bed taking both of Aureyborealice’s hands in hers.

‘Now. On that subject. I wish you to listen very carefully and be very clever and grown-up as I know you can be,’ Aureyborealice sniffled again and nodded ‘You see there has been this issue between the nations of Hasselduff and Moochenmuch as to which one should ensure the safety and security of Turgidan estate of  The Arch-High Elect Supervisor for The Supreme One and they have been marching back and forth without actually fighting.  Thus The Arch-High Elect Doctrindoss did request them to gather for a solemn discourse. Since neither king, respectively being Strebvest (The Plain) and Clodgrop (The Mundane)  were not really enthusiastic about fighting only about financial gain they did with their nobles, captains, bishops and so forth to see what he had to say. On the field did Doctrindoss appear and,’ she took in a deep breath ‘Declared their current marriages null and void, say they should marry each other and unite the nations, he then declared this to be thus and walked back to his abode,’ she cleared her throat ‘Playing a jaunty tune on a tin whistle,’

‘Does that mean he has been declared not suitable to discern the word of The Supreme Being?’ trembled Aureyborealice, Whinsome nodded ‘And thus the marriages are null, void and never happened,’

‘Uh-huh,’ (must have been wacky-doodle for years- now there’s a lesson for us all- Whinsome thought unto herself)

At which juncture Aureyborealice burst into tears and Whinsome was obliged to hold her, patting her shoulder.

Thus not only was her foundation to rule in question because she had been recorded as supporting Removed Doctrindoss, at great theological length when others would claim he was certainly wacky-whooo-hoo-a-doodle, but she had a tearful and unhinged besotted princess possibly-contender-to-the-throne on her hands.

Whinsome definitely felt she was personally possessed of an uneasy head.

With a stupid crown that did not fit properly.

Aureyborealice, A Fable in Several Parts…Part I

Aureyborealice. A Fable in Several Parts…Pt VI

Aureyborealice. A Fable in Several Parts…Pt XI