Perrik Jek looked up from his work bench, or desk, depending on what he was doing. A cat had leapt up upon it and sat there solemnly viewing him.
‘Sorry,’ said Perrik ‘The Guv’nor doesn’t work with familiars. Not required in his line of work,’
The arrival’s head lowered. Being correctly identified and rejected in one sentence could be quite disappointing.
‘You’ve not heard my references yet,’
Perrik was not a hard-hearted fellow, for he too had known the tough side of Life, but facts was facts. He set down his quill and apexed his hands. This would be a diversion from the maths that weren’t adding up.
‘You might have good ones. I’m not denying you don’t. You might have a most impressive list of contacts and associates,’ his eyes went ceilingward ‘Up there,’ then his tone lowered ‘Or,’ as did his thumb ‘down there,’ a shrug ‘My Guv’nor don’t care. He doesn’t get involved in that line of thought. He’s all about the maths,’
The feline shape down descended into a despondent hunch.
‘It’s true then,’ continued Perrik ‘There has been a falling off in the need for familiars,’
‘I blame those populist sort of daemons,’ came the forlorn response ‘You don’t get the class you used to. Had to work hard for your client to get an audience with The Spectral Folk, they were very particular. And there’s the knowing which ones were the recommended one. It’s no use matching your business inclined sort with a spirit of The Woods now is there? A right clash of cultures that would be. And wouldn’t do your reputation any good with either side,’ the feline head shook sadly in a human manner ‘There was an air of class, there was. Then along came modern times, all these mechanical inventions, polluting up the ether. And the quality Spectral Folk, they wouldn’t put up with that. No, they started to move off to other plains, for beyond our reach,’ the voice dropped to a whisper ‘Some in the trade reckon they’ve dropped old ethical divides and started up a whole new set of outlooks, which is why we can’t reach them. So what happens? Along come those cheap rate populist types. Horns on their heads, tongues hanging out, no sense of common decency. Lazy approach to summoning, letting any idiot with a shaven head and comic robes call them and not through the proper channels. And for what? A lot of rowdy capering. We don’t want to get involved it that. Those populists, they bring along their own nasty little servants; trying to be physical with you, or eat you, or both. A hard working, decent familiar does not want to get involved with that. Do they now?’
Perrik had always found it best to let someone aggrieved with their current status to have their say and deflate down, then get a word in edgeways. Particularly familiars. If you got them annoyed they could hide themselves into all sorts of places and mutter away for days. Of course, the Guv’nor would not be happy having his mathematical concentrations on calculations and incantations interrupted with mutterings. Perrik would have had to find the disgruntled familiar and chase them out, which he would have to do in his meal, leisure and sleep time allotments of course. He put on his best sympathetic air.
‘Oh I see, all your centuries of working up contacts, ways, means and general empathetic interfacing has been made redundant?’
He’d never seen a feline face look mournful before. He got up from his seat.
‘Least I can do is give you some time by the fire and a bit of lunch. We’ve got some mince. It’s the Guv’nor y’see. He tends to the simple, It’s his aesthetic,’
The familiar coughed, Perrik guessed it was stifling an actual purr. Hazards of the dual personas he supposed.

Perrik was just serving up the meal on a metal platter when Master Mackveylan Purveyor of Knowledge appeared and naturally scowled.
‘I thought there was something of interference upon the Second Oculator. Jek why are you hosting this feline, which is evidently not a feline?’
Perrik had to give the familiar their due, they simply licked a paw, turned their attention upon the mince while purring loudly and as all cats can do, ignored the new arrival as unimportant to the business to hand. Good composure and role play, he thought.

Mackveylan (Purveyor of Knowledge) was not so easily put off.
‘You know the rules full and well Jek. No familiars. Otherwise I am surprised that you should be taken in so. The Second Oculator is ever accurate,’
Perrik did not think it wise to mention last Winter Tyde unfortunate incident with the pound of sausages. His Guv’nor was very sensitive on that score and it would not help matters. He would try another tact, after all pride in his street heritage demanded it of him, that and the appearance of a creeping sense to do with survival.
‘Oh yes Master Mackveylan. Oh yes. And normally I would agree, but there seem to be circumstances which you could call extenuating. Now from my background Guv’nor I’ve heard most variations on the theme of ‘stringing someone along’, and can tell a spinner twenty paces off,’ he stroked the feline back, there was another purr. ‘This one has come with accounts from the other side. The one which doesn’t bother with maths,’

Mackveylan drew himself up to quite noticeable height in a stance of authority and an expression of determination.
‘Everything,’ he said in his stentorian way ‘Has to defer to Mathematics my dear Perrik,’
The familiar turned its head from the now empty platter and gave Mackveylan a look which Perrik could only define as irritation of a pitying sort, then settled down into one of those curled crouches cats adopted when about to do something quick and unexpected. Quite uncaring about the disapproving glare Mackveylan was visiting upon it. Perrik was used to this look which always worked upon customers, idlers and the occasional rival who crossed paths with the Guv’nor, the familiar however was not taking any notice and Perrik suspected the Guv’nor might not know what to do next.
‘Dispose of it immediately,’ the words sounded as if they brimmed with authority, however Perrik was sceptical. It was not like The Guv’nor to delegate major tasks, when he was offended, he would resorted to one of his devices. But The Guv’nor always left the expulsion of familiars to him. Apparently they were considered vermin and thus not worthy of his attention. It was all there in the tone.
The familiar stiffened.
And the door blew in.
Standing there was a human sized rodent shaped being, how tall Perrik couldn’t say as it was affecting a hunch, and what might be a toothy leer. It was dressed in rags, well by Perrik’s keen eye not proper rags, not real street worn and genuine filth caked rags, these were the sort rich folk wore when they went to beggar themed parties. The smell was pretty awful though. It’s attention was all on Mackveylan, and it spoke in a scratchy high pitch.
‘I am Skreeeee-Pitch-Twip. Faithful servant of the Great Lord Squeeee-Skitter-Skacmper-Hissss. And I am here on a commission from Humerdin Ganpdu, who hasth made a fearful pact with us The Host Beneath The Streets,’
Despite the shock of the entrance and the actually disturbing sight Perrik could not help but feel he was at an exhibition of bad acting.
‘Humerdin Ganpdu,’ echoed Mackveylan ‘That fourth-rate trickster,’
The rodent thing made a peculiar tittering noise, Perrik assumed laughter
‘His status in your dim eyes matters not, for he had paid for us to dispose of you. And thus we propereth,’
The creature hunched more and advanced claws outstretched.
‘This cannot be. This is a mathematical nonsense,’ objected Mackveylan ‘Begone,’ and he produced an ornate device of bright metal in the shape one of the new gunpowder pistols, it buzzed, sparks flew out of the barrel, it hummed, then sighed and stopped. Mackveylan was then astonished, then dismayed.
The creature advanced, Perrik made to pick up a chair and see if a heavy thwack on the back of its head might do something. If they survived this there would definitely have to be a great deal of reappraisal.
The familiar still crouched began to grow in size, at a rapid pace too, until it should have taken up most of the room but none of the items seemed affected. Silently it leapt upon the rodent thing, caught it in its mouth, threw it up into the air and when it landed batted it about the forepaws for a while, then bit into its neck. The creature’s only contributions to the business had been a lot of frightened squealing. After the bite this had stopped, both parties shrank back to the conventional size of the animals they affected to imitate, the familiar dinning on the body.
Perrik had been involved catching his Guv’nor who had fainted. While propping him up Perrik tried to process what was taking place. The familiar looked at him.
‘Oh don’t look so pale. This is all allegorical. What I am actually doing in using a spell to despatch this creature back to the sub-plane it normally resides in. This is a poor state of affairs if you’ve got an infestation of The Host Beneath The Streets, they are not very impressive really, except when there are lots of them. Wouldn’t have happened in the old days,’ there was a shaking of the feline head ‘What I was telling you about wasn’t it?’ another shake, and the remains of the rodentish creature vanished.
Perrik examined the prone and shocked into silence figure of his Guv’nor, considered the recent events and looked to the familiar, who sat looking at him.
‘Don’t go away,’ he said.
Several ideas were orbiting within his mind, but he thought he had best have a healer of good reputation to see to his Guv’nor. He sent a lad out with a message, extra coins to speed the boy on his way.

Very shortly, the doughty talkative but very expert Mistress Fainsbutton bustled in with her bag of potions, pills, salves and bandages.
‘Oh my young Jek. Your master. I say, what a day it has been,’ being a lady of some build she lifted up Mackveylan, with some aid from Perrik and setting him on a bed examined the stupefied fellow ‘Hmm. Yes, he’ll recover. Anyway. Such events are happening. Apparently that charlatan Humerdin Ganpdu had been gathering a cabal of folk of equally negligible  talent and worth and have been summoning fel creatures that no one thought really existed. It seems they were intent on removing erstwhile folk such as your Master and seize control of the city. And yet it came to naught, the creatures vanished while at the same time the heads of every member of this onerous gang fell off. What do you think of that?’
Perrik Jek looked to the feline form seated casually at the bedroom door, assiduously cleaning its paws.
‘Extraordinary Mistress Fainsbutton. Extraordinary. Now if you see to the Guv’nor I have to go down and tidy up,’
As a matter of experience and pride someone up from the streets should always be aware of opportunities and this day’s revelations to Perrik’s mind were certainly offering up a few.
The feline form followed him down the stairs

‘You’re hired,’ Perrik said to them ‘We’ll sort out terms, conditions and suchwhich later on. Dignified to your status of course,’
‘What about you Guv’nor?’
‘Once I’ve explained to him why I have solved the mystery concerning a particular pound of sausages, he’ll see sense,’