Musings on Writing- Don’t You Hate It When….3

Forward Note:

Today’s Musings on Writing is an interactive exercise.

You are invited to print out,  Copy and Paste (if WP and your computer care to co-operate) or share on whatever doo-hickey you can get WP to share with, follow the instructions

Don’t you hate it when…

NOW:…..Please enter below your list of particular peeves, niggles, annoyances, rage inducing actions etc caused by the aforementioned programme.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THEN: Select from the following items and print-out or export as many as you wish the next time Word pulls one of those tricks on you

 

Keep on writing everyone……Sailing Ship

 

Musings on Writing- You Should Always…. 2

You should always…

Upon receiving a rejection maintain a dignified air 

Vintage engraving of a victorian era professor or schoolmaster reading a book.

True, there is nothing wrong in a small private release and annoyance

 

Upon receipt of that rejection notice….

You might even indulge in a modest amount of arrogant dismissal of the opinions voiced there in….

(Women writers are advised not to don a moustache and beard while doing this as it detracts from the overall aura of that most devestating of weapons……female distain) 

However once the disappointment and annoyance are out of your system…

Tricycle 1

And you have returned to equilibrium

Remember this:

Behind every successful writer are editors who rejected their work and would now rather not be reminded of it

Musings on Writing- Don’t You Love It When….1

Don’t you love it when…

Happy

There you were fully aware you have to do this piece of dialogue linking one part of the narrative with another while adding depth to the relationship of two characters, and  you only have a slender thread of an idea to work with.

2

Yet, when you sit down and start….hesitantly at first

Hesitant writer

however the words begin to appear

Inspiration

Thence dialogue, description and development floweth forth, interludes from brief chapters start to slot into place in bountiful continuity

author-busy-work-author-busy-writing-his-book-115410909

And suddenly…..all is well.

In your writing world.

Treasure these moments.

 

 

 

 

Musings on Writing- Don’t You Hate It When….2

Don’t you hate it when…

Frustration

You have invested time and muse to create this character of whom you are justly proud and feel this might well be the one who will get you noticed, even if a modest way…..

And then…..

You innocently browse what’s going on in new books, or media etc Surfing

Only to find…….

Rage

A successful, well-known, and beloved by many author has created almost the self same character in their latest work……. now on display on many GoodReads, Literary Critic’s Column etc.

OR

Is the central character in a new streaming.

Of course you are entitled to react:

Melodrama Girls

In various ways….

fed_up_woman-620x412

Gefühle-Die-Leiden-des-jungen-Werthers-676x884

Victorian image

Yet take comfort gentle writer

Young woman, finger on lips, looking confused surprised

For if you can come up with something as good as the successful, beloved, etc, etc author, then you must have a pretty cool talent working on there.

Repair thereforeSea Captain

Woman determined

Dear writer

And

Tweak so no one will really notice

Wink

Successful, well-known and beloved by many types of authors do it all the time. 

 

#InternationalDayOfHappiness In Times of #COVID19

Here is a strong and righteous message

The Human Lens

The first International Day of Happiness was observed on March 20, 2013. The United Nations has declared March 20 as International Day of Happiness on the initiative of the South Asian country, Bhutan.

As well as Bhutan is the only country that calculates the level of happiness for its GDP growth should also serve as a role model for not only neighboring SAARC countries but other parts of the world.

This Intl Happiness Day focuses on bringing peace and harmony among all people, communities and promotes positive thinking and actions that can make our world a happier place.

It is believed that March 20 has been chosen for the International Day of Happiness because of March equinox. It is a universal phenomenon for humankind. March equinox appears at the time when Earth’s equator passes through the center of Sun’s disk.

This year’s challenge has been dedicated to defeating COVID-19 and…

View original post 159 more words

Musings on Writing- You Should Always…. 1

You should always…

When you are conducting that most perilous of tasks…THE RE-WRITE

Alice in Wonderland

Upon re-discovering one of those true gems you created (you might think inadvertently…The Muses know better )

Muses

 

say something like:

‘Yessssssss!’

Wives and lovers happy woman

Congratulate yourself Laughing Guy…..Yep! You’ve earned it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let off steam with a little dance…physical or allegorical

cartoon-boy-doing-a-happy-dance-by-toonaday-6279

And treasure this interlude through the rest of the hard-slog that is the lot of the Writer.

Know ye this…..

plato

Let the words flow (you can sort them out later)

Writing 2

Writing 3

Writing 4

writer-2….. See…….. I can do it!

 

Musings on Writing- Don’t You Hate It When….1

Don’t you hate it when…

famous-writers-of-the-victorian-era-1

In a hurry to finish off one part; just for convenience  you place a character in Location A. Then later on in your eagerness to write THAT very important chapter around which, if not the whole but at least a vital part of the narrative revolves you have them appearing Location B which is many miles distant from Location A and in a circumstance which defies any good reason you can think of to explain that anomaly.

Hamlet 2

If you are very fortunate you will have dropped them off at Location A in such a casual way you can write that smidge out and in retrospect shuffle them into Location B ready for THAT chapter you have ben itching to write.

Meanwhile you look at yourself in the literal or allegorical and say:

‘Seriously?’ 

Confused person on Brexit

Virus Post. Walls down. Emotions on Display.

OK. It has arrived THE PANDEMIC, the one The Medical Community knew would happen-Fact.

Sour observations: The one survivalists have been just praying to happen.The one you read about in SF/Dystopian Fiction but never thought would happen in your lifetimes and now those books don’t seem quite so ‘entertaining’ do they?

Personal Commentary (No self-pity. No ‘Oh that this too, too solid flesh would melt’ soliloquy). Just facts, brief. Like about 50% of the population in affluent West, our Lives have their buckets of problems. For many reasons we can’t get to see our three children and five grandchildren- no personal rifts just those ‘Circumstances’ that dog many a life. We were planning to visit our son, daughter-in-law and two grandsons- Pandemic arrives. How many other folk have seen plans pulled down I would not like to say.

We have health issues of one sort or another which limit our getting out as a couple to ‘go places’, ‘do things’. Pandemic puts the lid on the few opportunities. Life wasn’t much fun before, now? Do the allegorical maths. So us and a few tens of millions around the world. Didn’t need this, but we got it. It happens folks, it happens. Compare this to what is happening in Syria, Yemen or too a host of minority communities around the world and what’s happening to you, me, us in The West…..Just a scratch…At present almost a walk in the park. Of course it could get worse.

My Own strategy

So what do I do? Try and adapt, obviously.

But what else?

Write, of course.

In this we are fortunate. My wife writes poetry, is in contact with other poets, gets work published, gets good feedback and has a collection she sells privately. I am so proud of her and every time she gets a poem published I am so damn happy. Gives me the fuel to carry on.

Me?

Well, to summarise….. there’s R J Llewellyn on Kindle. Of late I’ve been working away on a fantasy series, self-published (still with those typos)

Precipice Dominion series

Y’know what, folks? Here I am stepping out of my normal British character here, but overall, typos and syntax aside I-am-so-very-pleased with these…There I said it! The characters are alive (so much so they nag me all the time) and the plot is chaotic as it was meant to be. (If you read some military history you will get to appreciate wars are won on the basis of the other side making more mistakes than yours- there are no perfect plans, no villain is always ahead of the game until the last few improbable chapters)

Vol III was having a re-write for typos, continuity etc, when I thought

‘Heck (or words to that effect) we can do better than this’

Learning to Live with ‘The First Draft’ and its Consequences.

And now it’s undergoing a whole re-work. This will be finished, virus or not. I will have my Three Volume Series (was supposed to be four but reflection suggested the narrative and plot would be getting thin in Vol IV and a lot of repetition would take place–too slow). I have an upbeat ending, because I like positive endings, it is a quirkly good one….There I said it (again). Three Volumes completed, I will be content, pleased, at rest.

Now this is how I personally tackle a Life-Threatening, Life-Changing  Pandemic. This is my way of minimising the effects.

I-WILL-WRITE.

I WILL BELIEVE IN MY WRITING

Let this be your pledge to yourself in these uncertain times

Seriously folks… The Joys of Writing

 

 

PS. Explanation. Some regular readers might by wondering about the amount of unusual and aggressive affirmation regrading my personal opinion on my own writing. This is due to a severe case of Full Metal Jacket haranguing at me by one of my characters Arketre Beritt, a solider, of an elite unit. If you are new to writing be prepared when the characters take over, it happens)

Learning to Live with ‘The First Draft’ and its Consequences.

Foreword:

If you have only recently started out writing consider this as a benign warning which  should not discourage you.

And there was January 2020.

If you have been writing for a while you probably are familiar with this sort of thing. Re-write, self-editing before you dare to let the work see the light of day….The process starts of with a promise that this time you will be meticulous in spelling, punctuation, continuity and syntax checks, using whatever computerised tool you semi-trust. So away you  go, examining the narrative for each of the above and as you go along making a tweak here and a tweak there. My! Look at those words pass by. Wow! When you were writing this one, you must have been on a roll!!

This joyous state will last at best into word 20,000 (much earlier if you are writing short stories or novellas), then the plot creeps up over you shoulder and whispers in your ear, some doubts whether you seriously expect readers to believe this was how characters actually got from Word 1 to Word 17,432.

While you are pondering on this matter one of the major characters points out you most certainly did not consult them about what happens from Word 83,732 onwards and if you wish them to have a complete change of outlook of this magnitude could you please include a chapter involving a traumatic brain injury. This shakes you, because under these twin assault 66,000 words between these two objections appear to be in jeopardy.

Make a frantic note to re-read up to Word 18,000, you flip through the document to about the half-way point, circa Word 84,000, read one bit and panic; the character has a point. You  then dash back to that splendid bit somewhere around Word 40,100 only to find the 500 words are not as sparkling as you remembered them being; in fact what was supposed to be a heartfelt rendition of one person’s feelings is starting to resemble a collection of clichés and plagiarisms from five over-rated novels now gathering mould in bargain bins

By now the entire work is starting to crumble to allegorical dust, despair comes slithering with an ‘I toldja so!’ And a year’s worth of toil lies before you with a big ? stamped on every page.

Actually I say…..

So what is the point of a year of hammering out about 200,000 words of complex interaction between a multiplicity of characters in Vol III of a Fantasy series if you don’t find it falling apart on the first re-write, edit or whatever you care to call the process?

Well that’s my opinion.

Time well spent getting all shot of the bad ideas, lacks of continuity, failure to keep a consistency in the characters and sub-plots which are going nowhere, Flushing them out of the head, heart and ditching the influence of that one book you read/heard and are now wondering ‘how did that ever get published without being indie?’. (Regrettably there is always ‘one’).

Towards the end of last year I forged on so the assertion could be made the first draft was finished  by the end of the year. It is somewhat pleasing as this is being written to be able to say there is very little recollection of those last 30,000 words. I do recall however The Plot  saying ‘Enough! You are not paying attention to me. You have cast(eth) me aside for some tawdry spectacle of a high body count and quite implausible actions by a collection of ill-tempered and scatter-brained imposters while the original characters have given up and gone home for the holidays. I too want no more to do with you for this season. We will all return in the New Year when you are of more sober and mature mind,’ 

Thus MY January 2020 was slightly different.

‘OK, folks are not psyche so do not expect them to understand one half of what is going on unless you include a better prologue.’

I can do that….

And so prepared myself for what else was bound to come, I mean that was into Word 3, and The Plot was also wishing to have a talk with me, because once more it had been swamped in characters doing ‘business’. It was confident in this objection because it was supported by several of the characters who said, whereas they didn’t mind ‘business’, it should only be in small doses and who cares what they had for breakfast? And could they convey emotions other than by smiles or snarls? One of them wanted to know just what they had to do with the whole book anyway? Sure they were there a lot up until half way through, after which I seemed to have forgotten about them except in the last 2,000 words. Another pointed out he seemed to have been dropped out of the very sky to assist one of the major characters to get from place to another, after which he was given nothing to do but run around in the background in a very vague but peripatetic way.

I was ready for this.

Yes I agreed with The Plot. I listened to the characters.

This is one why I do so like Ctrl +C and have a Word.doc ‘Extracts deleted. Retained’ where the Ctrl+C’d get Ctrl + V‘d, so I can extract chunks of the ‘deleted’ and plonk them back somewhere better suited. So far 60,000+ words moved there. Another ‘why’ is that I can move whole chapters from one part of the narrative to another….This can be quite a never racking experience and prone to Word being evil, so always have a firm press of ‘Ctrl’ lest you find Word has gleefully deleted 1,000 highlighted words and left you with a ‘c’. Should that happen, swear, close the doc and ‘No! Word you do not want to (expletive) save it!’, Then start again.

And I have this  cool Note Book my wife got me for Father’s Day last year

20200310_184754

In which I am entering a synopsis of each chapter for continuity and making sure I don’t stray from The Plot

I do like re-writes. They are quite the adventure.

 

 

Aureyborealice. A Fable in Several Parts…Pt XV

Pt XV… ‘If it were done when ’tis done, then ’twere well. It were done jollily’ 

Whinsome was hoping things could not get anymore complicated and sardonically was not surprised to find a maid at the apartment door bobbing and saying

‘M’m, Your Highness. The Chancellor of the Exchequer, The High Diplomat and some bishops are here to see you on matters of urgency,’

Aureyborealice looked up from weeping into Whinsome’s morning dress. There was a rather serious expression on her face.

‘Ah. Then this is it. They have come to discuss with you my very credible demise through some convenient malady I didst catch while footling about in the snows of the north,’ she tilted her head up in a noble fashion and sighed ‘What must be, must be. Though Whinsome I do not really bear you any ill-will-‘

‘Oh sush twiddle-head!’ Whinsome said hugging the girl ‘There will be no demises credible or otherwise!’ she grasped one hand, it was slightly slippery because Aureyborealice had been wiping her nose on it but Whinsome was in,  as some of the peasants of Trundlealong would say a  ‘Don’t make no nevermind,’ mood ‘Come let us together face this crisis, as a couple,’

‘Oh Whinsome,’ Aureyborealice said lovingly, pausing to blow her nose on her sleeve (you’d be somewhat relieved to read…. hers that is, not Whinsome’s)

‘No more honking of the shnozer,’ Whinsome commanded and with the maid assisting had Aureyborealice to look presentable  of hair, eyes, face and of course nose.

 

Whinsome frowned, Aureyborealice flinched. Aside from Chancellor and High Diplomat there were bishops Hylorididoda (also known as Old Baldy Pate), Humfelsteffstong (Ol’ Sour Fizzog ) and of course Quirrblelong. Quirrblelong did have his benign expression though. Whinsome noticed the other two did not look particularly censorious, she supposed that was something to do with her releasing them from that tower.

‘My lords temporal and spiritual,’ she said using a general catch-all term, Aureyborealice, slightly behind her squeaking the same greeting, one word late, and then called out.

‘It was not Whinsome’s fault! ‘Twas my vanities, mischiefs, dreams, schemes, plots and silly things!’

‘Please good sirs,’ interposed Whinsome, treading on her companion’s toe ‘Princess Aureyborealice is to be excused. She fell out of bed this morning and knocked her head. I am quite aware the extraordinary actions by Doctrindoss have shown him to be unsuitable to be The Arch-High Elect Supervisor for The Supreme One, thus calling into questioning our,’ squeeze of hand of Aureyborealice ‘Union and since I argued at some length in support of his judgement my right to the throne of Dingledong is also at fault. We must summon the council and-‘

Humfelsteffstong cleared his throat.

‘Your highness,’ and he bowed somewhat ‘Firstly by your actions of releasing both myself and Bishop Hylorididoda and the very sober way you have conducted the,’ lesser clearing of throat ‘Command of the throne and administration of this confused realm you have shown yourself a worthy ruler,’

‘Might we sit down and discuss this over cakes and light wines?’ asked Hylorididoda hopefully.

Whinsome glanced to The Chancellor and the High Diplomat whose individual impassive faces suggested there was, as usual more to this than met the eye. Quirrblelong winked.

‘Not a word,’ Whinsome told Aureyborealice. 

 

‘You see, ‘ explained Humfelsteffstong ‘Doctrindoss in recent years, possibly twenty, had become prey to vanities of the most tedious sort and could talk at great length wearing down anyone of normal sensibilities. As many of us had other duties to attend to, it was, to our chagrin and mortification easier to agree with him rather than spend pointless hours, even days and nights going about in circles, sometimes literal ones as he was want to walk when talking. When the, ahem, event of the wedding took place we hoped this would be the opportunity we needed to have him removed, but then you, your majesty was so stalwart and dignified,’

‘And could thwack opportunistic, greedy cousins with a staff,’ Aureyborealice said with enthusiasm ‘Thus saving the realm from snotty deadbeats,’

‘Quite so,’ said Hylorididoda through a mouthful of cake. ‘And caused Doctrindoss to overstep the mark with trying to marry Strebvest (The Plain) and Clodgrop (The Mundane),’

‘We have just managed to get the joint armies to raise their siege of Turgidan,’ The High Diplomat said ‘Never have the nations of Hasselduff and Moochenmuch demonstrated so much ire. We had to ask your brother Hanselfrendlesten the new king of Grunzelpratz to intervene with a military demonstration. He was very co-operative and by stealth had from under the noses of Strebvest (The Plain) and Clodgrop (The Mundane),’ detained Doctrindoss for his own safety, apparently in a very tall and remote tower in Grunzelpratz. He was allowed to take his tin whistle,’

‘He has always believed himself to be a master of the instrument,’ Hylorididoda said wearily but expunging the many memories of recitals by  taking another cake.

Whinsome held up one hand in a regal gesture best translated as ‘Just wait a turnip choppin’ minute’   

‘This turn of events is one of those types, my dear sirs I am becoming no longer surprised by. So there is to be a new The Arch-High Elect Supervisor for The Supreme One. Now how do we conjuncture this with my abdication and the elevation of,’ tender squeeze of the hand ‘Princess Aureyborealice to the position of Queen. Have a cake dear,’ Whinsome concluded by shoving a piece of confectionary into Aureyborealice’s mouth before she could say anything. 

‘Oh we don’t want that at all,’ said Humfelsteffstong ‘No. You as a couple are not the issue. Woman married unto woman hath led to the end of forced jolliness, gifted us with a sensible regent, then queen, put an end to the insufferable Twoodoodle and my colleagues in Grunzelpratz say rid them of the most singularly useless royal house and a clutch of opportunistic conniving bishops and nobles. As far as we can discern ’tis as good a sign of the Will of The Supreme Being as any,’

‘Ooooh’ squealed Aureyborealice in delight, spraying cake crumbs all over the place and before Whinsome could stop here ‘See Whins, you shall have to grow man bits now!’

Whinsome solved the embarrassment by a slight smile and a brief mime indicating a knock on the noggin’. She rose, everyone else did, brushing off cake crumbs with Whinsome shoving Aureyborealice back to her apartments saying.

‘Interesting news then my good sirs. We shall have to get the council in as well and discuss how to iron out the bumps, tidy the corners and put forward our own candidate for Arch-Priest,’ she concluded by looking very knowingly at Humfelsteffstong.

 

Later that day after Whinsome had managed to get Aureyborealice to calm down and remember just how composed, thoughtful and generally astute she had been back in the early spring. There came another visit from The Chancellor of the Exchequer and The High Diplomat.

‘There are two pretenders to the throne,’ said the latter ‘They may or not be ……ahem….natural…ahem….. children of your father Princess Aureyborealice, they are garnering opportunistic and disaffected folk and a few who claim Doctrindoss’ removal was a conspiracy,’

Aureyborealice frowned and tapped her fingers on one knee, Whinsome was so relieved to see the calculating look back in her eyes.

‘Much money and nobility behind them Chancellor?’ Aureyborealice asked. She did so want Whinsome to see she could be very cool and composed, again. What had happened? Maybe there were indeed naughty elves and mischievous pixies who had influenced her…(Oh MY!)

He handed Aureyborealice a list, The High Diplomat handed her one of outside trouble makers, she examined them.

‘Hmm. I see. Well Chancellor of The Exchequer. Cry Havoc and Release Headless Chickens of The Market,’ she turned to Whinsome ‘It is a code Whins. Something Chancellor was working on as soon as he found out about your parents Lychee venture, when I discovered what he was about I thought it the cleverest thing ever,’

‘As said I would have preferred if you had asked directly Princess Aureyborealice, but never mind. Your Highness?’

‘Will this harm the stupid speculating in Lychees?’

‘Very much so,’ Aureyborealice and the Chancellor said together.

‘Good!’

It did not take long. The first set of rumours were released which suggested the return on the growing of Lychees was a lot less than anyone had believed. Then the Chancellor ordered the sudden selling at a loss of the few stocks his offices still held to another office he had set up, having sold most holdings at the height of the market speculation. Ten already placed agents masquerading  as Lychee merchants made much of panicking in places of trading. The next set of rumours were about a possible fly which caused havoc in the crop. This was the signal for five more agents to set out a panic. By the end of the week the whole Lychee market had collapsed and lots of nobles, including the supporters of two pretenders to the throne of Dingledong were facing financial ruination. The Chancellor and his networks having turned their vast early profits into gold just planned for the next part.

Meanwhile The High Diplomat through his own networks ensured certain chosen and dependable nobles, kings, bishops etc were not affected, too much (the latter bit, just a reminder for them as to who was who and wot wuz wot)

‘So the ordinary folk won’t suffer?’ Whinsome asked for the severaleth time of Aureyborealice.

‘Oh no silly,’ feeling confident enough these taps to tap Whinsome’s nose ‘We have taken away any threatening power bases left since they are now all very poor and are being chased by their soldiers for unpaid wages. We filter capital into the economy, hire up the angry unpaid soldiers and lend them to your brother so he can convince your parents to descend from the throne and he can then set up a whole new kingdom made up of Trundlealong and Grunzelpratz. Your parents will receive a gift of gold to enable them to go far away and retire,’

‘Ah? Why was I not told about this?’

‘Because Wins. The Chancellor and the High Diplomat wanted to see how well you could handle things on your own,’ she sighed ‘And you were so clever, brave, bold and ruthless in a nice sort of way,’ she sighed again ‘Are you sure you wouldn’t like to…..Errr….well…y’know?’

‘Rorie. I have explained to you, severaleth times, I don’t want to….Errr….well…y’know. And it’s no use you leaving that copy of ‘The Adventures of The Bold Princesses Themelene and Louentha’ under my pillow all the time. Why that pair did not hurt their backs or catch chills from their frequent cavortings in woods and fields I knoweth not,’

‘Ah you did read it then!’

‘I flipped through the pages. And every flip revealed the same sort of….ahem…activities. There was a certain element of unimaginative repetition,’

‘Ah. Yeah. I’ll give you that! Now in  ‘The Lustful Revenge of the Scorn(ed) Princess Nyshel’ia of Old Meldanovrava’….. ‘

‘No. Now we have another day’s statecraft ahead of us. Put your busy mind to that,’

‘It’s going to be about legislation to allow women marry women and men marry men. You’ll let every one else go twiddle-wheedle-didlly-doo! But not us. Why?’

‘Rorie,’ Whinsome pleaded getting heated about the collar ‘You say you like…err..men’s….well y’knows. I have to say having seen some of your books I am sure I would too,’

‘I know a place where they make….’

‘I am sure you do! Honestly I do not want to know about your years of nights of sneaking out over garden walls! Look! Did we not admit to each that night of porlonged wine tasting we both wanted to have babies?…And before you ask again, your aunt has told me to tell you to stop being a noodle-hutch about the matter,’ Whinsome began to make expansive gestures with her hands and in exasperation her fingers ‘We cannot make each other pregnant!!’

‘Awwwww……….Pbbbbffffth!’

 

After that particular conversation Aureyborealice did settle down, somewhat, but did not actually stop making enquiries of Whinsome if she had changed her mind, though she did throw herself into the role of being consort, and generally productive in the administration, she and the High Diplomat having frequent conversations concerning certain matters, Aureyborealice reckoning it was the only way she could work off her frustrations. Aside from certain unpleasant characters meeting unpleasant ends, she also was instrumental in having some thought being given to having the land renamed, though no one could agree on what. She also aided her brother in sneaky ways in stopping incursions over his eastern borders from the previously disinterested smallish empire of Zrenzbragh whose emperor Hullibi (The XXth) had decided that the present ruckus to his west was a good opportunity; it was not working out well for him, in fact Frendlehanz was extending his domain, which since his liege lord was Vilfahengo ( The Back To Being Iron, In An Affable Way) made the said king content. She also ensured gold was passed to Prince Hulstorm of Rahsemindia to construct a navy to deal with pesky pirates raiding his coasts, of course he had no difficulty in massacring them on lands, but wanted to get them sorted out for good.

Whinsome felt these activities kept her spouse occupied, most of the time, while she dealt with the daily grindly business, thus giving her excuses to keep out of the way of Aureyborealice, who although would be such a good friend and companion was….well would not let the other business rest.

Meanwhile she was given even more praise by a relieved council, and a bemused public that she had cured Aureyborealice of her fit of noodle-hutchness.

 

To mark her first year as queen Whinsome let her council have its way and arrange a celebration, a modest one she told them! Aureyborealice’s brother Frendlehanz (now Wolf of The North), Prince Hulstorm (The Sternly, Just, Wise, Protective of The People….and that was quite enough he had said) of Rahsemindia, and her own brother King Hanselfrendlesten of Varadin (an old name for the region, and a snootle (a quite vulgar word) to the other names) all attended. There was much celebration and joy and Aureyborealice sneaked some aphrodisiac out of the supply her brother had brought down for ‘a friend’ (customer).

Whinsome to the joy of the crowds of ordinary folk walked amongst them chatting and giggling with children, gave a few folk awards and titles (paid for– Chancellor’s insistence ) and attended a few weddings betwixt men and men and women and women. She also sent a public message of congratulations to the new Arch-High Elect Supervisor for The Supreme One, Humfelsteffstong.

And was walking along a corridor to change in comfortable clothing, when out leapt a soggy ragged fellow with a knife:

‘Har-har! I Bishop Twoodoodle will cleanse this realm’

And stabbed her and she fell.

He was apprehended, thumped and kicked. Hulstorm said he would take the wretch back with him, he would be towed through a long and muddy river to The Tower where he would be placed with ten other wretches, for soever as long as they might live ( like who cared?)

There was mourning through the realms. Dingledong was renamed Whinslea. Both Queen-in-Being Aureyborealice of Whinslea and King Hanselfrendlesten of Varadin were wretched in their grief thus nudged together by the High Diplomat and the more subtle of his agents. Thus finding comfort with each other by the winter they were married and negotiations were started for a merging of the nations.

Oh he does so look like Whinsome, and he does have very nice man bits’, Aureyborealice reflected one day as she laid flowers on the grave. At the men’s insistence Whinsome had been buried with military honours and her wooden staff )

 

The next spring The High Diplomat on a journey to discuss things with King Hanselfrendlesten‘s council stopped by a small, modest farm to ask if he could have a drink, it being a warmish day. The young lady farmer invited him in, along with three men dressed in black. She poured them all a light wine.

‘How are you then Whinsome?’

‘Quite at peace High Diplomat. Known here as Somiwhen, proficient in farming, arguing jovially with the local cleric and use of a staff with any passing fellow who thinks he has some sort of right over my body. How are Aureyborealice and Hanselfrendlesten?’

‘They rule in a sedate, reflective and measured way. Not quite the frenetic folk of yore,’

‘I am pleased to hear it. Hanselfrendlesten was going to get himself killed one day looking for wars, and as for Aureyborealice, her fixation with us…err….well…y’know was making the dynamic somewhat difficult, the things she left under my pillow! Thus my argument not to execute Twoodoodle when he was washed up at a sewer outlet was useful was it not,’

‘It was a good plan, letting him think he had escaped, having an agent masking as a supporter and giving him the silly bending knife laced with the soporific drug. Getting the balance correct so the scratch would suffice was a trial,’

‘So was lying in state for a day then having to hold my breath during visits by mourners and being smuggled out in a burlap sack of broad beans. Still it was worth it. Please tell the Chancellor of the Exchequer I am being most careful with my gold retirement fund,’

‘I will, but he is a little distracted these days. His office caught out an adventurous widow who had cleverly embezzled a Lychee trust before the collapse. It was love at first sight,’

The pair laughed. The agents were trained not to do so when on duty. The High Diplomat bade Whinsome good fortune and went on his way.

At dusk the local cleric came calling. A fellow of her age who had fled his hopeless royal family of Grunzelpratz. Very sobered by the event he had taken on this new identity. As they grew to know each other he confessed this to her and begged her keep his secret.

There was tenderness. Quite often.

‘Oh Somiwhen, if only we could be married. Yet clerics must not,’

‘I think, dear Kurntool,’ she replied, while brewed an idea involving waylaying the High Diplomat on his return journey and asking one last big favour ‘In view of recent events things might change in our favour,’

And they all lived as well as anyone could reasonably expect. 

 

THE END

Aureyborealice, A Fable in Several Parts…Part I

Aureyborealice, A Fable in Several Parts…Part II

Aureyborealice, A Fable in Several Parts…Part III

Aureyborealice. A Fable in Several Parts…Pt IV

Aureyborealice. A Fable in Several Parts…Pt V

Aureyborealice. A Fable in Several Parts…Pt VI

Aureyborealice. A Fable in Several Parts…Pt VII

Aureyborealice. A Fable in Several Parts…Pt VIII

Aureyborealice. A Fable in Several Parts…Pt IX

Aureyborealice. A Fable in Several Parts…Pt X

Aureyborealice. A Fable in Several Parts…Pt XI

Aureyborealice. A Fable in Several Parts…Pt XII

Aureyborealice. A Fable in Several Parts…Pt XIII

Aureyborealice. A Fable in Several Parts…Pt XIV