King Prendertugh was a person of thorough approach strengthened by a gift of ‘The Long View’, (in political terms that is. Not as with his worthless brother Frenderbugh who yearned to be able to see maidens bathing).  Prendertugh had discerned long ago that his kingdom of Freyback would have to go to war with neighbouring Kcabyerf over the lordship of Vendregan, whose family The Burdeph knew they had little say in the matter and thus lived up in the Olps; the tallest mountain range in their realm.
It was a recognised fact that a successful campaign would rely not just on weaponry and killing people, but to have a most intricate set of code; for it was another recognised fact that King Dehigget of Kcabyerf, a most wary fellow had nurtured a body of highly skilled code-breakers.

Prendertugh however had invested six years in having exceptionally gifted and intelligent folk devising the series of codes to be used by his army, spies, and disruptors . The code was based on a now unused language spoken by folk from who had dwelt in what had once been fens, but had been long ago drained, so had the folk. The process took three years, another two years were spent training code couriers who could write and translate the messages and one explaining to all receiving the messages that theirs was but part of an overall plan which would come together and all would be well.

In the initial and carefully stages invasion of Vendregan and the disruption of bordering areas of Kcabyerf went well. Dehigget’s forces were confused, surprised and required to retreat; aside from being out-manoeuvred there were problems with their supplies, horses were cut loose from stabling, and river shipping developed holes and sank and people were mumbling dissatisfaction, although no one knew how or where the mumbling began.

Into the twentieth day, the time came for those always necessary adjustments; revised coded orders were despatched. Grand Duke Hurstew on the left and High Lord Fiztmarice on the right acted accordingly. Grand Earl Hangus in the centre and overall command moved forward, then wondered just where Hurstew and Fiztmarice had got to. He being a man of solid judgement halted until matters were sorted out. King Prendertugh being party to the big picture and having heard from his spies Kcabyerfish forces were in disarray had based the new orders on those reports. He now wanted to know why Hurstew was marching north away from the advance, Fiztmarice was sitting down doing nothing, and Hangus marching forward without support.

A number of bold riders had ridden hard and fast this way and that to the said generals, then had ridden boldly hard and fast back, it seemed there had been some confusion in the orders, but no one could discern where the errors had taken place. Fresh coded orders were issued.

Hangus promptly marched north; Hurstew reversed his march and went south, while Fiztmarice proceeded in oblique order to the south-east, then north-west.  Dehigget  meanwhile having been told the codes out of Freyback could not be broken decided that ‘They were up to something’ and his generals agreed. His armies were collected and reorganised then sent on counter-marches to shadow the foe. For those of a more humanist point of view there was the benefit of no one really fighting and thus getting killed. For those who lived in the area there was the wretched experience of armies marching back and forth across your land, wrecking your hard worked for crops and not paying for anything they appropriated; the same thing happened if the armies stood still. It was a miserable time for the Vendreganish and a great deal of sourness was directed at the The Burdeph secure in their mountain fastness of The Olps.

Meanwhile Prendertugh was vexed and puzzled about the failure of his forces to coordinate. Had not the orders been clear? Had they not been efficiently transcribed into code by highly trained men? Being a king, he naturally fell to suspicion and introspection.

Even more meanwhile his fellow king Dehigget indulged likewise. His being focused on why his personnel could not tell him what cunning plans Prendertugh’s generals were up to. And due to the mumbling he suspected a plot against him.

Both men demanded answers, gruffly and loudly. Naturally blame and accusation was parcelled out amongst most in the two courts and high offices. Generals sharing with their troops the sludging due to a sudden very unseasonable wetness of weather received with very ill-temper indeed the uncoded and hastily drafted letters inferring they were deliberately avoiding battle. Both kings therefore received tersely uncoded response that IF their majesty REQUIRED, then they (whoever sent it) would resign their position.

Thus frantic orders from King Prendertugh’s court  with lesser attention to codes were sent in every direction. Generals finding some of the commentaries were less than succinct in their clarity, ignored them and put junior officers to pray to the ancient god Varius Xcusis and then send replies saying they couldn’t comply with those orders. Dehigget went in for replacing generals with old rivals of theirs, some duels were fought. There was a purge of code breakers too.

More eventous Meanwhiles were taking place in the covert ranks of the Freybackian spies and the disruptors. The former being consummate professional paranoiacs suspected the code had been breeched, burnt all their documents and went into hiding to reinvent their identities. The latter were by nature unconventional and free thinking and centrally co-ordinated within Dehigget’s realm. Mayrus Hekth the leader, had received the following message, which when decoded read:

Buy up all the cheeses. Take care, for I yearn for your underwear

He consulted his two code couriers who concluded as one.
‘Something has gone wrong with the codes. Toldja they were too complex’

Hekth being an inventive fellow at once used the message as a basis for inspiration to add to the acts his teams had been up to. In this case he told all operatives to disguise themselves an officials of Nobility and with much arrogance buy up all the cheeses citing the nobility’s desire was more important than that of the peasants, others were set the task of writing on walls and gates ‘King Dehigget yearns for your daughters’ underwear’ . Whereas the latter initially caused much puzzlement and bemusement, the former did have the desired effect of civic discord, and confusion in the ranks of the nobility as vast numbers of cheeses turned up at their abodes, followed by greater numbers of peasants and folk who needed cheese for their own businesses, all inflamed by Hekth’s agents. Dehigget was somewhat distracted by incoming quantities of female underwear sent by the more obsequious and opportunistic of his subjects, whose daughters were not pleased. Neither was Dehigget’s wife. Hekth not one to rest of his successes then spread the rumour that eating excesses of cheese caused heads to fall off. Some of the nobility were found with heads detached, it did not take much examination to reveal decapitation was probably the cause, but the underlying tone of the message  got through and many cheeses were seen rolling out of castles, an act which did nothing to improve the flavours much less the image or the lower classes attitude to the nobility.

Under other circumstances Prendertugh might have taken advantage, had he not by a combination of confusion over the codes and sullenness on the behalf his generals   effectively lost his armies in Vendregan. For someone usually of thorough approach strengthened by a gift of ‘The Long View’, it was indeed a curious state of affairs.

With both kingdoms in a state of administrative and strategic immobility while suffering from wet muddy weather and a severe outbreak of Meanwhiles, adding to the situation was an unforeseen At This Juncture. These of course having much potential to make a troublesome situation worse.

In this case The Juncture revolved around  Rayleot the scion of The Burdephs of Vendregan. A year earlier he had been despatched south to locate and court a suitable bride whose noble family would give The Burdephs some leverage in keeping Freyback and Kcabyerf off of their backs. Rayleot was not long in discerning that most of the young women suitable to his rank were already involved in complex marriage arrangements. Instead he set his sights on the naturally financially orientated mercantile classes. Mindful of the geography of his homeland his attention fell upon Trevella the elder daughter of the Bungdover family whose river transport enterprises had blossomed. For them someone whose family owned land through which the great and wide River Flume, had its origins was quite the catch. Trevella saw no problem with Rayleot, and as was the custom thereabouts the marriage was conducted promptly upon a river, Rayleot signing all sort of treaties and agreement which he reckoned were a better option than having two armies tramping upon Vendregan. As a wedding present he was gifted a replica of the legendary Large Barge Marge, the original and foundation of the Bungdover family now being retired and sanctified. There were certain enhancements in keeping with those times, such as secret independent power source of propulsion and several small but effective pieces of ordinance.

The happy couple’s appearance not only caused surprise but also distress to craft of both Freyback and Kcabyerf  which were gently disabled either by blasting off masts or rudders, and pushed by the now named Rarge onto banks, thus displaying the astute mercantile strategy of not blocking rivers. Taking advantage of all local intelligence and armed with large bags of gold supplied by his in-laws Rayleot contacted the most disgruntled officers of both sides and offered them employment in the new Vendregan army whose initial duties involved simply changing sides and taking directions to higher drier ground.

Hekth and Freyback spies met and sent a message unto their king, uncoded in basic Freybackian of the lower classes:

‘You’re kippered Guv’nor, It’s all gone in stable buckets. The Burdephs have got a sharp one who is quick about coin. Suggest a bit of the old selective Horse and Carriage,’  

Kings could be expectant of rebellions but Prendertugh was beset by tremendous sulks amongst his lords, generals and senior staff. He was somewhat overwhelmed by the ludicrousness of mature men imitating the actions of adolescent told to clean their rooms, he took the curiously phrased advice. Back to the Meanwhile he mused…What the Holy Frib had gone wrong?

The aforementioned cabal also reached out to those opposite numbers in Kcabyerf by devious means to indicate they contact their king in similar fashion, if he wanted to keep his cheese (code for throne) and sell off the underwear that is. The opposite numbers did so. Dehigget beset of domestic trials and tribulations agreed.

Within the year, and drier spell all had settled down both kings having to lay out large amounts of gold to soothe the temperaments of upsets generals, though later  this was somewhat recompensed by trade choregraphed by the Bungdover mercantile cartels.

Since no one could figure out how the errors had arisen the codes were scrapped. The strategy of ‘Let’s say no more about it’ being adopted. Prendertugh turned his attentions to his gardens and extoling the virtues of The Simple Life

Dehigget worn down by cries of ‘How’s your cheeses?’ and the more independent commoner maidens waving very functional woollen undergarments at him calling ‘Does this meet with your approval Your ‘Ighness?’  became a recluse and responded to any enquiry by his ministers with ‘Whatever,’

Eventually both kingdoms swore fealty to Vendregan under the rule of King Rayleot (The Calm)

Historical Footnote:

Some centuries ago….

It was mournful time as The Folk of The Fens were obliged to quit their lands, now being heartlessly dried up by greedy folk with big armies. The elders had embarked on writing down an account of their folk and these events to be kept in all time, for the day when their folk would arise once more and learn of their ancestors.

Those elders versed in the Ethereal built in one sting for the future. At the beginning of the tract was inscribed in subtle runes masking as letters. ‘Woe and Confusion upon those who pillage our language as they have pillaged our lands’