By which ever Means, Faith or Belief you are able keep Hope in your Heart.
Howsoever you embrace Compassion, Respect and Tolerance for the Innocent, Vulnerable and those who return the sentiments in equal measure.
I wish you well this day and forever.
Foreword:
I would like to thank fellow WP blogger Professor Taboo for jolting me out of my ‘I really Must Get Around To Writing That Faith-Based Post Before Lent Ends’ statis state.
In advance, if you are going to read this post you are strongly advised to study his recent posts Paul, Acts, Forgeries & Marcion* Parts I & II
Paul, Acts, Forgeries & Marcion – Part I
When dealing with someone else’s position and their case is argued at length, it is my practice to Copy & Paste onto a Word Doc for reference and scale. Please note PT’s posts are 4,400+ & 3,800+ words long respectively. It is likely mine will go into some length too. Neither of us subscribe to sound-bites, emojis, GIFs or any other modern shorthand with such a weighty subject.
If you want to get involved set aside some time.
Warning:
This is not actually a rebuff to the above posts. It’s not even a word by word dispute over the evidence. Some might be disappointed I will not be addressing directly the topics raised. Expressed are words and thoughts and beliefs of mine which have been looking for an inspiration to come out in full flood. And here we are. Just read on
It is only fair to point out, the views you will encounter will be considered by some as heretical, blasphemous or as per Catholic Teaching ‘Relativism’ (which kinda puts me at odd with the current Pope. Never mind God will put me right at some stage). On the other side of the coin as some exasperated atheists said to me ‘You don’t know what you believe!’ or ‘You are just dodging the issue!’ or….To be honest I forgot the rest. They just didn’t like me being open minded Cosmically speaking.
Outline
It can be broadly stated that the first post deals with The Physical Side, for it encompasses Cosmology, History and Quantum Physics. These are all areas which contain elements of physical evidence yet are also with uncertainties and speculations. The second post will involve my views and criticisms of Theological and those Social elements which cross over.
The whole comprises An Overview, Four Perspectives and a Summary. These will break down as follows:
One Theistic Cosmological Overview (Read here)
Historical Perspectives (Read here)
Scientific Perspectives (Read here)
Theological Perspective (Next Post)
Social Perspective (Next Post)
The String Theory Summary. (Plagiarising from Quantum Physics. Tying the four perspectives all together) (Next Post)
One Theistic Cosmological Overview:
My belief is that if you are going embrace a theistic belief you will be in the area of accepting a Supreme Being and Creator. Since you are therefore saying this Supreme Being was responsible for All That Is, Was and Ever Shall Be, then you need to consider dealing with a very, very large concept and be ready to view from more than one direction and discipline. You should also have an outlook which will endeavour to encompass a great deal and be very flexible.
To begin with let us look at one simple request.
Whether you are theistic or atheistic can you take someone of the opposite view to a location in this 14 billion year old, (though there is work out there which argues 26+ years old) 90+ billion light year in observable diameter Universe and say
‘Look this is where My God is. There we are. Case proven’
OR
‘This where your God should be but isn’t’. Case proven,’
Well? Can we, either side of the argument? No of course we can’t. We have garnered a rough idea of the Universe based on a variety of investigations, but neither has incontrovertible proof to answer my request. And that is where Faith / Belief comes in. To walk the indefinable area of Human thought in which a concept is held to in the absence of solid, definite physical evidence.
Some might promptly argue that I will be dodging issues, shrugging and saying ‘I don’t know’ and just repeating ‘stuff’.
Not so.
When addressing a such a vast subject of the belief in a Supreme Deity, the necessity of brining a myriad of disciplines to the discussion is vital, lest we get out of focus. There is the likelihood on this side of Life that parts of this subject cannot as yet and may not ever be proven. Here is where Faith or Belief come in. And on all sides of the argument.
We cannot physically prove, but we can believe.
Historical Perspectives
History is a powerful teacher, also a remorseless one, laying bear uncomfortable facts which do not suit those who prefer matters neat and tidy. The latter aspect is an important facet to keep in mind because at some stage all of us will always try and bend history to suit our ideas. The more objectively minded will to seek out details to argue or question a point of view and deal with the matter analytically. Others will try and deal in bare facts to leave the rest up to the reader, but that is a near impossibility; to repeat we all tend to bring our own thoughts and agendas to the debate.
At its basic Human History works like this. A does something. B reacts to what A did. C gets involved either because of A or B. Then D turns up probably because of what A, B and C are doing. After that it is likely E. F, G, H and so forth get involved. Meanwhile you get alliances such as Ab’s or Ba’s etc, etc. With all this laid out before an observer it is only natural to initially see things through their own eyes.
Yet History is a collection of evidence, and one glorious aspect is that new or forgotten evidence is being constantly uncovered for examination. Even the absence of evidence carries a value all of its own. However, whatever be it evidence or none, that will be open to interpretation. One thing however is certain do not take a dramatisation as fact and tread wary of legends or a folklore. Nor read one historian’s account and say ‘That is all I need to know’. Remember those As, Bs, Cs, Ds and so forth? Who is telling you what A did? And Why? Keep your antenna and radar tuned.
The groundwork is laid out. I will now look at the question of the Christianity and give you my…I repeat MY opinion, and in consequence translation.
Now the original starting point for Christian Belief is contained within the Old Testament, which in turn originates from a Hebrew source and following the New Testament which contain four accounts of Jesus Christ’s Life and Ministry until his mortal death then resurrection. The New Testament also contains the subsequent accounts of the followers of Jesus’ and their writings, ending with the mystical Book of Revelation.
Before proceeding further, again it is necessary, vital in fact to bear in mind the following
The OT is a collection of works. Some are the written versions of oral accounts. Some are commentaries on a particular time with a religious take. Others are the accounts of the experiences, life and times of a prophet. Others are essentially instructions for the time and the circumstances for an orderly society of the time. It should also be borne in mind that within these were poetical approaches in an endeavour to encompass at attempt to understand a cosmic or philosophical issue; while some will be takes on histories. And the whole covers a span of centuries. The OT also differs from, arguably its forebear the Hebrew Bible.
When approaching The NT, it is essential to bear in mind the four gospels are differing approaches. There are three Synoptic Gospels, Mark, Matthew and Luke which are similar in structure and narrative but differ because of their intended audiences. Mark being the earliest, a bare account for others, Matthew intended for a Jewish readership and Luke for a more cosmopolitan readership. John stands slightly more apart as it has esoteric theme and maybe be later. There then follows those accounts of the activities of followers of the new faith and their own letters and that ‘The Book of Revelation’. (not ‘Revelations’)- whosever might believe that is a literal prophecy might well consider the following:
For the purposes of the Historical it should be borne in mind that these works have been through several translations of language before they reach whatever, for the sake of brevity English version you are looking at. Therefore, remember that each translation will have its own assumptions and evaluations as to what ‘that’ word or phrase meant. To go around with a highlighter and sticking bits of paper in selected pages for one purpose or another might be useful for a rebuttal against a view point you disagree with. To use it as a basis for persecution is to me heresy if not downright blasphemy. The literal use of an English version is a few levels below actually studying the inherent messages.
At this stage for the purposes of Faith and Belief the citing of this piece of English or that piece of English as a basis for proving that one side or the other is right or wrong, I would assert ‘Does Not Really Matter’ They are useful in debates on who wrote What, Why, Where or When and for What Reason, and also if ‘They’ wrote it or someone else. Or was it a combined job?
In this, these debates are on the same level as to whether some personality out of History was as Good, Bad, Adept, Inept as they are traditionally painted. Whether they were actually ‘There’, ‘Here’ at such a time. And so forth.
In cannot be argued that such discussions do not add to the layers of circumstances and history is already filled with commentaries one way or another.
When however it comes to the basics of The Christian Faith, the question to ask is. Do they add or detract to the evidence of a Jesus Christ and his activities? This is the basic line for any Christian. Therefore, onto the Historical Evidence of Jesus, most likely born in Nazareth, Palestine at the early years of 1st Century AD/CE.
To summarise there is evidence of a man out of Galilee who was crucified in what I would call a political expediency between the Roman Authorities, The Court of the Client King and the religious council the Sanhedrin, the latter having the power to bring out a mob at the figurative click of the fingers. What no side wanted was another figurehead for another movement, particularly one who was not preaching armed resistance; the Romans knew how to deal with a call to arms.
In their independent works both Jewish historian Josephus and Roman historian Tacitus, make relative passing reference to Jesus. At this stage of history of the area from Europe to the Middel East the majority of surviving documentation comes from within the Roman Empire’s boundaries and thus would cover a large number of issues, events and personalities. What would happen in one small region of the edges would attract minimal attention at the time. Which is why what we can call historical evidence is so sparse.
It is enough though.
Enough for a Faith you say?
Well, let me place before you the reasoning thus far.
In One Theistic Overview I argued as no one can physically prove there is no God I am at Liberty chose to belief in God. In the Historical Perspectives I can place the Old and New Testaments are documentations which indicate there are bases for the origins of my faith and part of the foundation of that faith. I also cite there is evidence for an Historical Jesus.
Thus upon these the case for my belief is founded.
But you ask. This seems to be slender stuff. You seem to talk of absences of solid evidence and also uncertainties as firm foundations. Are these not paradoxical, and in consequence subject to doubt? There is actually another perspective to bring back into the focus. The Scientific.
Let us continue to share the journey.
Scientific Perspectives
Warning: Not simple. This is long in itself. Convoluted. It’s The Nature of The Concept.
Second Warning. Be prepared for at least one ‘Where is he going with this interlude?’
The Cosmological Overview was an initial introduction to scope and size of the issues involved when discussing Faith and Beliefs. Rather than go straight to Science in more details it seemed neater to take on the Historical approach to establish the next part of the evidence foundation. This done, let us return to address the Scientific side of the subject.
As we know Science is a word which covers a vast number of subjects, all playing their part in the knowledge which we utilise for better or for worse in Humanity’s turbulent voyage. Rather than try and pick through each branch and in turn the associated subjects, a task which would take up at least one year’s worth of at least weekly posts, and that would be skimming the surface I intend to look at two scales.
The smallest, being the sub-atomic and the largest which takes us back to the Cosmological.
Here we encounter the counter-intuitive to our daily experiences, the parallels to the challenges Western folk of the last century have faced regarding the acceptance of a Supreme Deity. The world of Physics and the World of Theistic Belief both contain facets which do not fit into our Daily World. Challenges and reactions criss-cross. I assert there are parallels, there are commonalties.
Let me just throw a few everyday questions out there. Physics first. Religion second.
How can Light be both a particle and a wave of energy? Two aspects at once? What really is this Time-Space thing; we are attuned to Length – Width – Depth, and doesn’t Time just flow in one direction anyway? Things get ‘Old’ don’t they? And what’s this about 11 or 20 dimensions- how does that figure?
Where is this ‘God’? Why doesn’t ‘This God’ stop wars? Why are bad things happening? And to come back to The Science side- how can One Being have complete domination over one galaxy of an average of 100 million stars; that’s before we started on the billions of galaxies concept?
Those are questions which can crop up in the minds of everyday people who chance upon these subjects. There are though no easy answers. It is part of our fate to forever come up against questions whose answers do not seem to be on any horizon.
Just to illustrate what ‘we’ are up against.
(Before I start there is a body of opinion which is dismissive of Wikipedia as an information source. Whatever your views on that topic, Wikipedia it is a good source of illustrating the depth, length and width of a topic.)
Science
I typed in the phrase ‘Unsolved Problems’. The category Natural Sciences was sub divided into seven separate categories: The category ‘Mathematics’ into four. For our collective sakes I will go no further. You should be able to gauge the scope the issue from those details alone, and that’s before we consider the subject of divergent views on how something was ‘solved’
Theism
A search under Theism suggests a vastness of topics. I narrowed it down to Christian – Systemic Theology and also Constructive Theology (which is a relatively new approach.) And the result was Ten different categories. And as with Physics I did look but will go no further. Feel free to do so, but make time.
Yes, since ‘Scientific Perspectives’ was typed out nearly Five Hundred words in and he’s still not got the nub of the matter.
Of course not. Neither subject is simple. Neither subject can be compacted into one small fold-open pamphlet. Normally anything serious on either requires ‘Papers’ as in a ‘Paper On…’ and more likely entire books and you are still skimming the true surface.
Complexity upon Complexity
Volumes, upon volumes of works on both topics. Writers argue back and forth. There are whole trends of developments, re-appraisals, new lines of thought. Admittedly I am not aware of there being a theological version of the Large Hadron Collider, so Physics does have an ‘physical’ edge there. But ‘physical’ edge in Religion? We will return to this issue after we have considered some more issues still open for debate and see how they interact in both arenas.
Creation (as in Of the Universe)
Currently The Big Bang holds sway, whether it was 14 billion years ago, or even more is up for debate. For the majority of folk, the concept of there being No Time No Space just a very compact ‘item’ and nothing else is counter-intuitive. We cannot comprehend the situation. Try and you end most likely up with a ‘Why’ or a ‘Well How…’. And yet we, in the main, accept this sort of.
Since we ‘sort of’ accept this, for some of us the notion that a Being also beyond our imagination effectively said ‘Let There Be Light’ therefore seems a reasonable opinion to hold. After all we all already into the realms of the unimaginable No Time, No Space realm, so what is wrong with believing in ‘Someone’ started it?
Yes it is a type of Creationism. In purely physical / physics terms so is the Big Bang. Creationism as ‘It All Started’
What you might call Creationism in a biblical sense itself is divided into various schools, from the basic Seven, literal Days, along the paths of ‘Seven’ being allegorical, into an area of ‘episodes’ of Creation. The whole displaying sophistication of thought keeping a pace with discoveries. In fact, as with the science of Cosmology, Creationism can be evolving. Bear in mind not so long ago it was accepted in scientific circles that there was just one galaxy, revolving to stop spinning apart into the vastness of space. Now we know more.
Therefore, since we do not know, absolutely, positively, completely everything there is to know, to hold to the belief that ‘God’ created the Universe is a valid opinion. The Hows, The Whys and The What-Exactly is the Universe; well, we are all still working on that, and most likely will be forever doing so.
In The Quantum World and its Cousin in Mystery – Theism.
Quantum Mechanics and Quantum Physics are not new discoveries, albeit it that they made their larger appearance in the Modern Physics of the 20th Century. Their applications in the modern world move allegorically hand in hand with the advance in computers, one complimenting the other, firstly bringing transistors and by now advances into devices relying on computers until we stand on the edge of Quantum AI and a wealth of possibilities.
The studies of the subject and the explorations are quite a different level. It is here we confront the realm of the subatomic particles and their properties, or their place in the construct of matter. As the search progresses questions arise which are illustrated in complex mathematical equations and references to a number of aspects which in turn have their own mathematics, (illustrated dramatically in films by rapid use of chalk and a very big board). String Theory, M-Theory, Extra Dimensions are but a few concepts which are commonly discussed but leave the ordinary person struggling to grasp their concepts. You can opt for standing back in awe and saying ‘Wow’ though.
Theism has been around for a lot longer and appears to be dogged by a pattern which Humanity follows without learning. In myriad forms it attempted to bring a social code to what would have been an otherwise chaotic situation and has endeavoured to bring a means of comprehension to the mysteries which confound us. And yet flawed creatures that we are, we argue to the point of persecution and war over meanings and supremacy of one belief system over another. Thus, Theism like the rest of Human efforts is tarnished. Which when you consider the misuse computer systems have been put too indicates the problem lies with Humanity. But more about that when in the next post we consider Theological and Social issues. At this stage I am going to make an attempt to consider The Parallel with Quantum.
This being that the further we go into the study of Quantum the more challenges arise, which is very similar when delving into a belief system. In this case Christianity. It is simple enough to believe in a God, a Son of God, and if your beliefs go in that direction A Holy Spirit. The problems arise when you go deeper into those difficult ethical questions such as
How Active is God in our Lives, and thus How?
Why do bad things keep on happening to the innocent and the vulnerable?
If God is suffering with Us, just how does that work. What does that mean?
Where did God come from?
Just what is God’s plan or purpose?
I could go on and on…and on.
Theologians have been battling with these and the objections to their suggestions for centuries (and some of them taking time out to discuss the mysteries of the cosmos. The concept of other worlds has been up for debate for millennia, 1,500 years in Christianity ).
Therefore I contend these two Disciplines which are replete with The Counter-Intuitive mirror each other, often coming along with a ‘There must be a…because this indicates there is….’.
And thus there is no shame in saying ‘I don’t know’ though just leaving it like that and shrugging does not necessarily apply to the entire following of a belief system. WE keep on keeping on. Our religion is not moribund, which stopped somewhere a thousand years ago. Not so.
Miracles
(Possibly the Theistic Version of the Large Hadron Collider?)
In some respects, most of the previous observations and postulations could be construed as a build-up to this. A balanced reason why ‘Miracles’ as recorded in The New Testament can be viewed by ‘The Believer’ as credible acts.
By this point you will be aware that as far as I perceive, within the enormity and complexity of Existence from the smallest particle (currently The Quark?) to the massive walls which are groups of groups of galaxies (eg Great Sloan Wall) to say something ‘Cannot Happen’ is not a Definite. We, Here, Now are nowhere, anywhere close to beginning to know Everything.
In this frame of mindset I consider the following as examples:
The Immaculate Conception (Virgin Birth)- Invoking the biological process of Parthenogenesis is taking a big risk. There would be a lot of complaints and objections. Fair enough, I am just saying Sexual Reproduction is not the only means about. Really I should play it safe, cite general mythical traditions and those of the Abrahamic works. Then consider the various Christian writings on the subject and hint at the allegorical.
Not going to do that. I chose to take the literal option that a divine force caused within Mary’s ovaries conception to begin. I will also look to my brothers and sisters in Abrahamic Faith in Islam to quote from an English translation of the Quaran “So will it be! Your Lord says, ‘It is easy for Me. And so will We make him a sign for humanity and a mercy from Us.’ It is a matter ˹already˺ decreed.” (Please note in Islam, Jesus is a revered prophet). (To brothers and sister in faith as Muslims my apologies for any inadvertent errors or mis-quoting)
I do so, because I can see no specific reason why a Being beyond our own level of existence could not do this. And that is that. There may be some impossible concepts out there, but it seems the more we seek knowledge the more we find That Isn’t So.
Resurrection
Since declaring my belief in the Immaculate Conception there would be an element of inconsistency in not having the same faith in the Resurrection. And naturally taking the same pathway.
For this is where a person takes that Leap of Faith.
Crucifixion was a hideous punishment, a slow death by several means. Imagine trying to haul yourself up by stretched upper limbs just to breath. I could try to stumble through suggestions of a body going into shock and being mistaken for death. I could suggest a type of coma. I could go off on enough tangents to have medical professionals reading this howling ‘It Doesn’t Work Like That!’….’And anyway those legs were broken, legs were always deliberately broken during crucifixion,’
Once more. Not going to. This is where that Leap of Faith comes in. Belief. Irrespective.
Tell me, dear reader. Do you believe in Something? Irrespective of what some might call Evidence to the Contrary. Do you believe in Something you cannot see or hold? Something which at times is hard to hold on to, and yet you keep on coming back to there or here? Just Something.
I’m not going to ask you what that might be. The only time I will have a problem with you is if your belief is used as vehicle for Hate, Oppression, Discrimination, Intolerance, Irrefutable Lies and Distortions and rest of the toxins we try to use to dignify and justify our blatant flaws as we set ourselves down the road to conflict and harm.
Summary at the end of Part I.
So here I pause.
In the next part it is my intention to move into the Ethereal realms of Theology, Nature of Beliefs, Overviews of Theisms and Social Implications. The embracing of Belief and the Condemnation of misuses and abuses in attempts to justify evil.
Thanks for reading this far.
(PS: This looks OK as a post, but I cannot be held responsible for what WP’s various gubbinz will do to the final product)
Jill’s stirring tribute and clarion call is one to be read. There is a wealth of detail here, showing the man’s tireless efforts and wealth of courage.
All those who claim that Russia had no choice to invade Ukraine, read this and examine your consciences.
Foreword: You know how it goes. The same lively characters who turn up in whatever you write. Now this might be fine in books, but readers of Blog Battle Prompts might be looking for more variety. Thusways, I delicately and respectfully negotiated with two particularly tough veteran characters on the behalf of three, a mutually acceptable exit strategy for all parties. I am very grateful to Gary for this month’s ideal word. (This tale is a standalone, but footnote linked to other stories are provided at the end ) (Also apologies if the format comes out looking odd, what WP is showing me on my draft might not look the same format as you read- might have to change my Theme)……………
Salt Water drenched, sunlight blinded, pained within and without, grateful for the soothing liquid and the soft hands cradling her, welcoming temporary oblivion, one phrase warning her:
‘‘Work to be done Zwanglos,’
Spoken gently though
She awoke in a restful gloom; gliding speed from whispering’ something’ and the slap of water indicating she was still at sea. Cushions, pillow, blanket. Someone was caring. Gratefully received, for her head stabbed in pain, body ached and her spirit was sinking, used, and betrayed. Sacrificed in a frontal assault or given the hard risk you accepted, rivals you watched out for. Used as bait, or bargainable goods, the concept was crushing. Her innards churned, she rolled to one side, a basin; good.
As she finished retching, a figure came into view, eased over to her, knelt, and stroked her hair.
‘Oh my. An’t y’all a mess? Y’ poor thing. C’mon. Let’s settle those pains an’ roilings,’
Another gentle cradling of her head, another drink, eased through dry lips, this one peppermint, swiftly calming. A friendly smile, evening light suggesting features tuned by their own hard times, but blue eyes glinting while cool hands wiped stained hair from her face.
‘Sorry to have to trouble y’ with questions l’tenant. Time is short and reports are required. Always work t’ be done,’
Whatever Zwanglos had been given, the drink had quickly eased pains and calmed innards, also cleared her head.
‘Firstly. Can I ask who you are?’ she was a child again, asking tentative questions of a grown-up, which in turn gave rise to an indulgent small laugh. A cloth soaked in cold fresh water applied to her face.
‘Captain Arketre Beritt, l’tenant. Same outfit. Very different office though,’ the last words, hard, bitter ‘Give a whole account of this jaunt. No shyness now,’
‘Wait for me,’
Whereas the fellow LifeGuard’s frame was masked by the signature long coat, the new taller arrival in shirt and trousers was slender elegance untroubled by the sea’s ways. The accent an urban roll similar to Zwanglos’ but smoothed with easy courtly authority. Crouched on the backs of her legs, hands draped on knees, angular features framed in similar black hair, yet made comical by a smirk.
‘This is Custodian Nahtinee,’ the captain said adding in a light advisory way. ‘You’ll be talking to her, she’s very good at working out,’ the pair shared a grin ‘Wot’s wot,’
‘That’s right Leidlich,’ Nahtinee was reassurance ‘ You’re safe here. We’re also girls that’s been bounced around and only given bits of stories to gamble our lives with. We know how you feel,’
With her first name spoken in an informal way and the last words breathed instead of spoken Zwanglos’ last pieces of reserve melted away. One, fellow LifeGuard tending her injuries, the other more an elder sister than a Custodian.
She spoke of the mission, supposed to be a warning. Instead of a messenger, she became a sacrifice, then a reason, all lost in a confusion of events, intimations. The fact that those she was in proximity with were equally innocent had turned her angry turmoil into an act of sacrifice.
Her guardians in addition to sympathetic responses exchanged several narrowed-eyed looks, the Captain having tended her wounds and cleaned her, produced some fresh bedding.
‘The gal’s spoken enough now,’ she said to her associate, then to Zwanglos ‘Y’all gonna sleep again l’tenant. This time comfy,’
Between them, they settled Zwanglos down, their ministrations and the steady rhythm of the craft sending her drifting away again.
Her next awakening was to a cooling breeze, on the deck under an awning and another setting sun. She concluded she must have slept well because not only could she not recall being shifted, but the feeling of being that rested was simply unfamiliar. Seated close at hand, were her guardians, the Custodian dozing, the Captain writing. The craft had similar size to the one she had leapt from, although a measure sleeker, there was a crew, in pale grey uniforms all going about their duties.
‘Lookin’ better l’tenant,’ said the Captain ‘We’ll have you on solid foods if your innards are comfortable at sea, that is,’
‘Where are we? I’ve never slept so much,’
‘Second part first,’ Captain began rolling up a scroll and pushing it into the pocket of her coat ‘If Ah say so m’self Ah have skills with soporifics. All different medical constructs, set doses, compatible and delivered in a certain pattern. High Holy gal. You were ragged, prolonged sleep was part of the cure,’ with a playful smile she extended her left leg and nudged her companion, who promptly grunted, muttered, then fixed the captain with one censorious eye.
‘Hey. Y’all told me to wake you when our l’tentant here did likewise,’
There was a humph of acquiescence, Beritt leaned into Zwanglos.
‘Don’t mind her none being contrary. She was the one who insisted keeping watch on you day and night, ‘til Ah told her to get some shut-eye this mid-day,’
‘Didn’t have to dig your boot toe in my bottom,’
The complaint made The Custodian slipped over to Zwanglos and repeated her peering into the girl’s eyes. Zwanglos felt she should be tensed or at least thinking about strategies, and not so much at ease. And that was being contradictory.
‘Nice clear eyes Leidlich,’ there was a twitch of the nose, Zwanglos wondered if she was being sniffed ‘Roses in bud,’. She was being sniffed. ‘She’s clean, just fuzzed,’
The Captain blew out a sigh of relief, Zwanglos managing to summon up some independence of thought and eased up to a sitting position.
‘Please tell me something understandable,’ she pleaded.
‘I’ll get the herbal brew,’ The Captain said ‘Strawberry Ah think. You explain to our l’tenant,’
‘Firstly Leidlich, I should chase and shake down Custodian Vernünftig. Letting someone with no Ethereal affinity get in that deep, and with an active staff too, then leaving you to handle a temporal site all alone. And of course letting a young commoner woman alone in that snake pit of old traditionalists at The Ecclesiastes, while he goes chasing off. Typical damn investigator. Not like my old mentor, toughened and wise from being at the hard end of The Ethereal. If he wasn’t around me, his reputation was,’ she tutted ‘Whatever you’ve been told or taught about The Ethereal is only a smidge,’ lines drew down her long refined face ‘I was born into its tydes, storms, and whispers, which makes me part of its Natures,’ she scratched her head ‘And that’s weird enough. Y’ know I spent a relative century, but only a year to you and my soldier girl’s minds working for some old fellow and his group, on another side of Reality; never made sense of The Whys and Hows. Now you, like my soldier girl got drenched in it,’ her tongue ran over bright teeth ‘Dangerous. Nearly lost her more than once to its fires. Mind you most of that was down to fools messing about with other toxic mixtures which don’t get on with The Ethereal so well. Thick stories Leidlich. At least she had folk around her and was soldier trained. You,’ she stroked Zwanglos’ face ‘They left you all alone to handle it. Let you wander into caves of time, carry a staff that leeched raw Ethereal. So-called Holy Folk used you while despising and fearing you,’ the lines faded a grimace replacing them ‘And you blew up that Library with your staff, then jumped from the Holinesses into the ranks of the LifeGuard, caused ructions, on both sides. Everyone biding their time debating what to do with you. Poor girl alone, and vulnerable, working for all sides until they were ready to spend you,’
Zwanglos shivered. Hugged herself. The realisation came seeping that all those years from the time Custodian Vernünftig had recruited her out of prison cell, elevated her from minor enterprising thievery, he had set her loose on another ocean, one with no clear charts or friendly ports. All that time she had been alone, seeking a permanent dusk, living off of her wits and senses, lying to herself she was one step ahead of everyone and everything. Telling herself she was her own navigator able to use her irreverence and skills to make herself valuable, a bit of a gem, and not a coin to be finally used up one day.
One tear leaked out, the Custodian reached out one finger to catch it.
‘Sorry Leidlich,’, and there was a genuine pain of concern in that voice ‘You had to know,’
The whiff of strawberry indicated the Captain had returned, pressing a mug into one hand, and folding the other in on the comforting heat.
‘Aww, sweetling,’ the soldier said ‘C’mon in. Time for the clearing out,’
The two women enfolded her, protectively. No crew member was going down that end of the craft until invited in
Urchin, adventurer, once Custodian of the Lord God’s Word, until now a LifeGuard Officer softly wept out too many years of illusions, delusions and angers. Tears falling into the herbal brew.
The Custodian’s words flowing into her.
‘Welcome sister to a Blessed Twilight. Here to think free and move without fear. Life is easier here, free from schemes and prejudices of those crippled weavers. You will be in a warm sun and it will blind them into imagining dusk, and they will not perceive you,’
‘Will it always be so?’ Zwanglos whimpered.
‘We’re making it so sweetling,’ the Captain’s voice was reassuringly hard ‘They cross us, and they can count out the sunrises they’ll see. Now drink up, before tears make it salty,’
‘She’s stopped using my rank. Making me free,’
Dusk again, another boat skimming to another shore, her guardians led her off the beach to a grassy dune.
‘Ten myles east of Elinid. This is where I started off,’ The Custodian said ‘Although a bit shipwrecked,’
Zwanglos turned in that direction.
‘I think I will visit the old hometown for a while. Look up those folk you told me about. Find my feet again,’ she sniffed the air ‘I like the dusk. It’s a clean time,’ she scratched her scalp, hair cut short
‘The itching will fade as the dye settles in,’ the Captain advised her ‘Autumn brown suits you sweetling, as does the short cut. And your eyes too. Keep that skin tanned and no one will recognise you,’
‘More to the soporifics than easing you,’.
There were thank you hugs and she walked off towards the road, confident stride, backpack hefted. Something undefinable was gone. In this comforting place between sharp day and heavy night her mind now fresh with ideas for the future, The Past was left, sinking out at sea.
Another meeting, the Major of LifeGuard and The Custodian to whom none of his detractors dared to make themselves known.
‘Captain Beritt was very tight-lipped. She said they couldn’t find a body,’
‘I was awoken in Deep Night by a manifestation of my once novice who lamented theatrically on loss of innocence and insisted I should approach Vernünftig and lecture him on the care of his apprentices,’
It was wordlessly accepted. Zwanglos rescued and spirited away.
The two men looked over a city at dusk, inhabitants occupied and like so many others innocent to the constant nearness of catastrophe from many directions.
The Major’s mouth tweaked into a bleak smile.
‘We’ll never then, be able to evaluate the measure of the potential disaster they defused, though evidence suggests she was on the path to Extreme Ethereal capabilities,’
The Custodian sighed.
‘Over my long career in The Lord God’s service often have I warned of the dangers of The Ethereal. It cannot be controlled,’
‘Aye. If adventurers were not bad enough. These random unusual folk are taken, and turned into weapons without considering the consequences, or the emotions they generate in folk of small character,’
‘As we both have witnessed,’
Neither man needed to discuss matters further. They had trust in those who had learned to deftly navigate and work in the borderlands between contrasts.
****************************************************************************************************
Footnotes
Leidlich Zwanglos’ adventures figure in
The Day When The Stationery Was No Longer Stationary – #Blog Battle – March Miscellanarian
Revisit, Review, Revise. #Blog Battle : May –Extract
When The War Comes, Will We Have Anyone To Send ? #Blog Battle : June Unaware
Arketre Beritt in:
Those Jagged Remedies (June#BlogBattle-Scar)
More Than Faith October #BlogBattle-Dream
Custodian Nahtinee somewhat disguised in:
A Singular Circumstance. One Summer’s Day (August#BlogBattle- Peculiar)
(No the picture doesn’t have much to do with the subject. I just like it, and didn’t feel in the mood for ironic or satirical images.)
In some of the more financially fortunate quarters for a couple of weeks now folk have been investing in cards, fluffy toys and other sentimental items to give to their beloveds, and some may have been more individualistic. Maybe folk short of disposable capital have spent some time putting together their own hand-made tokens of love, which will be even more precious. And the communications’ networks will be displaying a fair number of personal messages, in the cute secret codes lovers share.
It would be easy to cast a sardonic eye upon this traditional celebration. But it’s been done. Over and over. Now the gift and card industries lower level employees can sigh with relief that another holiday keeps them solvent, so let’s not be too scathing about the ‘bucks’ invested in their produce. If it’s legal our spending keeps someone in a job. (Happy Socialist-Take on Valentine’s Day).
Although it appears the whole business in the USA and UK is declining as folk are tending not to celebrate it as much as they used to. Maybe they should go back to chalking hearts on trees or walls. Maybe folk should concentrate on making the relationship last. Popular fiction, which is a reasonable barometer of public attitudes suggests it’s accepted that relationships have a sell-‘bye’ date. Of course that ‘was ever thus’ but these days it seems a relationship requires the ‘full package’ except the sustainability. Being realistic it is best to be free of misery or at least unhappiness, but there again is that always a joint declaration? I think not. It seems all of a bit of a mixed blessing. All those torn up Valentine Cards and thrown out gifts which meant so much at some stage. And now I’m getting mawkish and giving an impression of being judgemental……OK onto safer ground…..History.
Valentine himself was a third century Christian clergyman in Rome and ministered to Christians persecuted under the then current regimes. Valentinius, to give him his proper name, was naturally always in trouble with the authorities. The final straw being when he was arrayed before Emperor Cladius Gothicus (268-270) who took a liking to Valentinius until the latter tried to convert him resulting in martyrdom by tradition; 14th Feb 269 resulting in his accession to sainthood. His devotion to fellow Christians somehow got tangled up with the 12th-13th century Chivalric custom of Courtly Love, which was basically a knight making a big public display of having a massive crush on a lady of rank, but ‘no touchee’, only going off on a quest in her name or hanging about the place inflicting his attempts at poetry or song on the poor girl. Returning to Valentine himself one legend is that “to remind these men of their vows and God’s love, Saint Valentine is said to have cut hearts from parchment, and presented it to them”. These two associations eventually morphing into the hearts on Valentine’s Day. And also an element of willingness to sacrifice for another.
Now there’s a thought. Maybe a change. Instead of a general statement of ‘Gee I love you, lots’. How about a declaration ‘No matter how bad it gets I am going to try my damndest to see this through with you and not give up on trying,’ OK, maybe it’s lacking in the sentimental, but nearly 50 years with the same girl and having had our share of Life’s Bricks thrown our way, there’s a certain reality to it.
By the way, as a fellah working on into his 70s. Looking at you guys. Standards have been slipping lately. If you think caring for and treating with respect a girl is ‘woke’ then to be honest you are a bit of a jerk…..a big one. And that’s the polite family friendly way of putting it.
If you and yours are celebrating this day, I hope you have a good one and ask you to have many, many more.
And in conclusion:
All together now….
‘My poor darling,’ her hand touched his forehead ‘What a dreadful cut. I do wish you would wear your helmet,’
‘My sweet,’ he replied with warmth taking her hand and kissing it ‘There was only a brush of steel against skin. You know how I feel about helmets, they do impede the vision,’
There came the endearing little pout as she set to scolding him.
‘Your vision will be lot more impeded if your silly head was cut off,’ she tugged his nose for emphasis ‘Now let me clean that gash up properly The Good Lord God knows where that rag pretending to be a bandage has been,’
Thus he did sit patiently by the log fire of their apartment as she tended to the wound with her own astringent, following with application of the clean linen bandage. He thought himself the most fortunate man in the Empire to have found this beautiful, caring, able woman who had consented to be his wife, doubly so her being willing to share his lodgings at the outpost while the campaign against the stubborn clan continued.
Once she was satisfied with her ministrations, a simple evening meal was partaken of and as was their custom, they sat before the fire, she curled up on his lap, head and one hand resting on his chest, each savouring the closeness of the other.
‘I worry for you so,’ she whispered ‘Out there upon those bleak fields and slopes. The risks are so great, and for what? A piece of ground an emperor does not even know about much less care for,’ her breath caught and she looked up at him, deep brown eyes pleading ‘You have rank and some say in the matter. They might listen to you,’
His frustration was shaped as a sigh with a groan.
‘Lord Frygem still wishes to raise his profile with Duke Mereth who remains the favoured advisor of Prince Nahdel who……’
‘…..wishes to prove to the Emperor that he too has his princedom completely under his sway,’ her completion of the litany ended with her own sigh ‘While the troublesome Clan K’ith Sondours refuse to trust the word of known Oath Breakers,’
‘It seems the only Oaths which count are those to The Emperor, know ones dares cross a strong emperor who also has the confidence of The LifeGuard. Everyone else thus scrabbles for their joint or separate favours,’
The frequently visited topic discussed, they sat in silence holding each other, until he said, kissing russet hair ‘Away with our gloom for this night. Let’s read the play: ‘The Adventure of Stefan and Alosia,’
‘This time I’ll be Stefan and you be Alosia,’ she announced, the previous plaintive sadness replaced by a rather appealing nuance in tone and glance. By the time he had returned with the bottle of wine to aid their intended comical narration she was curled up peeking over the script of the popular comedy. They had, a while back agreed the tale of a couple facing an arranged marriage turning the tables on the arrangers to suit the couple was a theme in which they found certain strands of empathy. Their efforts at acting this slightly bawdy theatre always raised their spirits.
She awoke tender with memories of the night. He had, of course risen before her, for duties and profile elsewhere called. As was his practice he had left breakfast dishes laid out, oatmeal and water for coffee bubbling in pots hung over the fire, while there as always a dainty vase of dew damp small star petalled flowers, she held them up and breathed in the freshness. As she drank her coffee she would read her copy of ‘Varow and Betherelle’s Encounter’, based on another factual couple, and the first of a series of verses recording their rather controversial deeds, popular amongst folk at the lower end of society. Good for resolve, she thought in the dawn still a measure away.
Lord Frygem, a stocky man of nearing middle years believed himself to know something of warfare, yet was possessed of enough basic sense to appreciate advice and experience, so was glad to see the outline, albeit hunched, almost furtive. Mercenaries were a variable crew, he would thank Duke Mereth for this one. Checking the large clan raiding force, holding them and pushing them back. Frygem ruefully had to admit his border troops liked the man and his skill. Also he had kept to his ducal contract, some might have given up on the task, particularly with a pretty and shy little wife in tow. That was a puzzle. Risking her safety in The Wilds. Still a man needed his comforts.
What did rankle Frygrem and touched on a raw spot was having the damn LifeGuard here. Observing. Five of them, long dark green coats, wide brimmed black hats. Their officer a hard faced major intoning ‘Imperial Stability’ at him. The Clan was a local problem. Did LifeGuard not have better things to do? He scowled in the direction of the far off group. Beneath their dignity to take part.
‘Captain Leiding,’ he hailed ‘Surveying the ground I trust?’
‘From dawn Lord Frygrem,’ the mercenary said ‘The Clan has quit the hill and removed themselves. They have given up on the incursion. We can take back the hill and await re-enforcements. The crisis has passed,’
Emboldened by the encouraging news Frygrem’s irritation at Imperial Supervision took hold.
‘A retreat?’ his eagerness unsettling the mercenary captain ‘We might pursue them,’
‘If we had a larger reserve,’ Leiding said, intending to bring neutrality into the conversation. ‘Our current force needs rest and recuperation,’
‘Whereas I can appreciate your caution captain, as your profession values conservation of resources, in my world, political demonstration is equally as weighty,’ this was accompanied by a brief twitch of his head towards the LifeGuard. ‘I would like to consider the ground myself. Accompany me,’
Since there was no evidence of Clan numbers Leiding saw little point in arguing here and hoped he could dissuade Frygrem during the ride. He gestured to four men selected for skill with crossbow to accompany the lord’s small entourage.
‘This is Lord Frygrem’s idea. Keen eyes,’ he said to his own ‘Bows loaded, but aloft to avoid accidents,’
The approach was not the issue, the slope and the sparse cover would be a risky place for an ambush. Leiding insisted his group reached the crest first, sharp eyed they scanned, dismounting, to avoid being an easy target.
‘Captain,’ the lord called out impatient after the slow climb ‘I would advance,’ Leiding surveyed the grasses, heathers, gorse and small outcrops; the only true cover a copse in the far distance. The land appeared safe, though ‘Appeared’ was never a word he trusted.
His pause obviously did not suit Frygrem, the man advanced his horse at a swift trot, until he was amongst Leiding’s group, disrupting their watch.
‘My Lord,’ Leiding said, command in his voice ‘Dismount,’ Frygrem having briefly looked ahead turned his attention back to the LifeGuard.
The brief warning was the gorse bush twitching against the direction of the breeze, too fast though for the message to go from eye to head to hand. The figure rose already losing off their own bolt, before starting to duck. By the time even the swiftest of the party at the crest was physically reacting Frygrem was tipping back from his mount, either it was the bolt in his chest or the fall from his horse, killing him.
Whether he was dead by the time three crossbow bolts flew towards the gorse, one hitting the ambusher it was of no consequence.
Against the backdrop of clamour from the entourage Leiding and his men viewed the body, caution staying them.
‘High Holy,’ breathed one ‘He was swift,’
‘Little,’ added another ‘That’s how he hid,’
‘Patient,’ said the third
‘Steady,’ concluded the fourth, adding, alarmed ‘Captain?’
He was uncaring of the warnings from his men and the indignation from the entourage, drawn to brief view of russet hair loosened as the ambusher fell backwards. There should be anger, anguish, at least confusion. Why was there admiration, laced with hope, melding with confusion?
Voices were but sounds as he reached the body, eyes flickering, the grimace of triumph softening to a smile.
‘It was a lovely breakfast,’ she said, raising her cap ‘Look I wore your posey,’
Her accent was no longer regional encompassing three princedoms, there was the distinctive rolling lilt of these clan folk, an urgency caused a cough, blood running from her mouth.
‘I taught you too well,’ he said.
‘I did not play thee, dear husband. There was no long plan. It was only when your contract drew you here. I had prayed there would just be scraping like wee dogs, then going away,’
He stroked her hair. A lord’s death. Who cared?
‘You do not hold Clan deaths against me?’
‘They should have stayed in our own lands,’ she slurred ‘My father, always counselled The Chief to stop raiding. Yet, Frygrem had to go, a warning,’
‘It was deftly done,’
‘While you boys were out brawling I learnt the exits,’
‘There’ll be reprisals,’
A pained little laugh.
‘With The LifeGuard hovering around. Them and their adherence to Stability? Look not surprised, a Clan Chief’s niece learns a much of politics,’
A tearful chuckle was his response.
‘That was the marriage you were running from,’
‘I think I saw him die yesterday,’
‘What in the Second Hell is he doing?’ someone on the crest demanded.
One of the crossbowmen shrugged. The arrival of the LifeGuard Colonel stilled all conversation.
Their shared laughter stopped, his face grave as he placed the knife in her hand.
‘Also as I taught you,’ he said ‘It makes sense, for I let a lord die on my watch, grave mistake. More to the point, I can’t spend time on this realm without you,’
Her eyes were losing focus, breath ragged.
‘I could not leave you alone,’ she said and plunged in the blade.
Only the Colonel of LifeGuard did not seemed surprised.
The Colonel of LifeGuard bore the tirades of the Duke and Prince with an impassive disinterest. They owed more to the Oakhostian Empire than it did to them. They knew full well. When they ran out of ire, he spoke.
‘You were fortunate The LifeGuard was there to return the young woman’s body to the Clan, the whole business could have spread from Clan to Clan like a gorse fire. Never mind this Clan was an inveterate nuisance, Clans rally when Princes push their luck. The LifeGuard will have to attend to this,’ he let the words hang, the warning, LifeGuard were arbiters of this Emperor. ‘Captain Leiding was obviously being generous in tending her last religious rites. Being confused she stabbed him. Unfortunate. I will tender my report on the matter, both to The Grand Oaken Throne and my Commanders. You should await the Emperor’s Word. Do not venture beyond that crest. It is his wife I feel sorry for, secretly fleeing in distress,’
He left.
The winds blew across the freshly raised twin mounds. Four men crossbowmen, and four Clansmen had stood watch all the day. The sun settled, the quartets nodded to each other, and returned to their own ranks.
Newly planted flowers quivered in the wind.
The tenth draft might be the foundation for the official report. Only LifeGuard’ s grim fortress Drygnest would know the captain was their own, despatched to act as mercenary, mining fertile battlefields for nobility’s indiscretions. Dangerous road, sometimes a LifeGuard went in so deep they lost perception. Usually going hard rogue taking lives like tankards of ale, conspiring for thrills. Instead here a fellow had stepped off the road, onto softer pastures, tripped when he came back onto the road. Tendered his way out with dignity, and it seemed love.
The Colonel looked to the copies of play and verse. Romance. Just as likely to kill.
Truth be known. Some might think this as two tasks. Some might feel the source material and sentiments are not appropriate. Stay with me though.
Firstly I would ask you to read the following Russian (there’s the current trigger word) WWII poem by writer and war correspondent Konstantin Simonov, written in 1941 to actress Velentina Serova. The moving work was carried by many USSR soldiers, wrapped with a picture of their wife or girlfriend, it became an unofficial icon, a means of coping, a hope the bearer would survive.
Wait for Me
Wait for me, and I’ll come back!
Wait with all you’ve got!
Wait, when dreary yellow rains
Tell you, you should not.
Wait when snow is falling fast,
Wait when summer’s hot,
Wait when yesterdays are past,
Others are forgot.
Wait, when from that far-off place,
Letters don’t arrive.
Wait, when those with whom you wait
Doubt if I’m alive.
Wait for me, and I’ll come back!
Wait in patience yet
When they tell you off by heart
That you should forget.
Even when my dearest ones
Say that I am lost,
Even when my friends give up,
Sit and count the cost,
Drink a glass of bitter wine
To the fallen friend –
Wait! And do not drink with them!
Wait until the end!
Wait for me and I’ll come back,
Dodging every fate!
“What a bit of luck!” they’ll say,
Those that did not wait.
They will never understand
How amidst the strife,
By your waiting for me, dear,
You had saved my life.
How I made it, we shall know,
Only you and I.
You alone knew how to wait –
We alone know why!
That was the easy part.
Now I want you to think of that poem not as a soldier to his love, I want you to see the writer as HOPE, writing to you. I ask you to not to think on how moving to read of such intimacy between two people. I want you to think of this notion HOPE we hold so dear, speaking to you. Of course, within you, some of the words and phrases will change to fit your perceptions, this is fine; the necessity is to cling to HOPE.
In the spirt of the poem this is not the soft HOPE we all evoke ‘Gee I hope things will be better’ and then leaving the rest to someone or something else. This is the dogged, persistent HOPE in the face of all seeming evidence to the contrary. The one which keeps us carrying on and not falling into the mires of Fear, Dread, Despair or those wretched excuses for not wishing to face Reality: Conspiracy Theories and Fashionable Cynicism. HOPE which takes you beyond the boundaries of Reason. HOPE which all your experience thus far tells you is a naïve and pointless exercise, because all the evidence, dependant on the situation is whispering or screaming at you there is nothing left but Doom and Gloom, ‘Roll up all the maps’ ‘Shred those inspirational posters’ ‘Sing nothing but lamentations,’ …….and so on. Yet, HOPE is there, just because.
This HOPE is a hard Task-Maker. It does not promise you perfect solutions. It does not try to sell you The Happy Dawn or The Cheerful Ending, Song (and roll credits) This HOPE is about the beginning, the one which is unsatisfactory but better than all the alternatives which could arise. This is the HOPE for a grudging end to fighting and an ill-humoured backing off. This is the HOPE which serves up rations, blankets and some shelter, to stave off the hunger, the dispassionate elements of weather and the fear. But this is the HOPE which lays the groundwork for other HOPES to seed and grow and from them even brighter ones and so on.
This is a tough HOPE. It is used to being mistaken for and called other names such as Fatalism, Cynicism, Realpolitik or Pragmatism. This HOPE knows them well and sometimes even rides in on their vehicles, grinning knowingly because it has turned them to its use.
This HOPE knows it treads a lonely and harsh road. Yet it bids you follows, for without this rough companion your eyes are clouded with grey hopelessness or blood red rage, your ears are filled with screams which will not be blocked out, your meals taste of ashes and you smell burning and dead. Your thoughts are ragged, your heart turns to a husk and your capacities for Compassion, Tolerance and Respect wither away to a sharp stalks fit only to be used to lash out in futility as you stagger in a haze seeking a solace which in the paradox of human nature you deny; Hopelessness.
Wait therefore, beyond the roiling caused by emotions of the latest media feed, and the confusion of a myriad of discordant sounds. Wait not for the perfect dawn, the soft tender brush of first sunlight, the cheer of birdsong and the growing warmth of day. HOPE as you wait for the coming soon of night’s end; HOPE for the storm and the chill to end; HOPE your shelter will hold fast. Then as you rise HOPING for HOPE, embrace its own patch of warmth, its sliver of comfort, its whisper that your HOPE is one voice in a choir which despite all that may be visible never stopped singing HOPE‘s song. For all The World
You may scoff, you may doubt, you may even wonder just what this post was about. You should not be surprised to feel so, I did give you advanced warning of what was ahead.
You may go away, feeling you’ve ‘Got it’. Then in unknown days ahead come to feel the return of the burden of the media feed and things you feel you have learnt and your hold on HOPE start to lessen. You should not feel surprise to feel those either, I know I will. Thus you must return to holding tight to the rough calloused hand of this HOPE.
A Difficult Task to consistently HOPE with all your heart.
(Allegorical image by the way)
Some of you will be familiar with the opening of this tale.
Commenced I suppose from 2015, maybe, (although there were myriad false starts) and completed end of 2021. A fantasy trilogy written without much respect for the apparent ‘Rules of Writing’. And that was that. Completed. Like any writer there were all sorts of ideas, whispers of ideas and the like swirling about. The same characters a few years down the line? Maybe the next generation, their children? A few experimental paragraphs suggested; it wasn’t going to work, not now anyhow. The scene was as if I had spent some time with this varied group, recorded these parts of their individual and joint narratives and now a parting of the ways was taking place, all by mutual consent. There was this singular notion any further novels would be intrusive into their lives. The conclusion was almost as if I had indeed strayed upon another fragment of Creation and had been a mere observer. Time for us all to move on.
The obsession to craft three volumes had been, of course unobtrusive. At the time, simply three basic ideas with plots and sub-plots spinning out all weaving into a pattern of cause and effect. The warning how obsessive I had become was the evening I flew into a rage because Kindle would not accept the download of the final cover, normally the solution would have been quite simple, but when Obsession takes hold anything that gets in the way in a foe…right?….Well no, wrong. Toxic.
Anyway, with the whole project completed and ‘Out There’, a calm settled. The urge to read books rather than listen to audio versions returned. An experiment to paint emerged; by numbers I add, because my perception of colours is rather variable; seriously an adult paint-by-numbers is a challenge, with tiny, tiny patches and titchy, titchy numbers therein; fun though and to be worked on at a leisurely pace. Finally there was the focus to stop trying to take up Quantum Mechanics as a serious interest, the maths and the terminology are beyond my capabilities. Back to History reading and in consequence looking into International Relations and the attendant theories. (Yes there are graphs and data but only for those who have made it their Life’s Work or intending to do so, a working knowledge of what is what is sufficient).
Does that mean you have quit writing? Some may ask. No, comes the simple answer. The Muses still flutter around me (or poke me in the back, if thus inclined). The frenetic side has evaporated. There is an idea to work a series of posts from way-back into a neater format and set in the same realms of the trilogy
Aureyborealice, A Fable in Several Parts…Part I
And there is https://bbprompt.com/
Which supplies a monthly prompt for short stories and is quite a buzz to join as well as read.
There is a weight lifted though, the notion it was all for fun and relaxation was a flaw in perception, I was in deep. Of course being in deep is something a serious writer should be to embrace, but when you start to live with the characters, muttering phrases of possible conversations to yourself, going over and over in your mind situations, not being able to truly focus on anything else other than the day-to-day living and ‘Your Book’. No, maybe not. It maybe necessary for the true professionals with a contract but for the rest of us; the rest of the world needs to come in.
Maybe therein is the true reason why I’ll not be going back there. Even though it was fun at the time.
Writing eh? You love it. You can’t leave it alone. But it is as well to have boundaries.
23 year old Mohadese Mirzaee became the first female commercial pilot in Afghanistan. With the arrival of the Taliban she fled her home and currently lives in Bulgaria. Determined to continue with her ambition and nurture her talent.
May her ambitions be fulfilled, her courage and determination be rewarded.
As many of you may know Jill has not been in the best of health in recent times. I e-mailed our battling girl the other day, and sadly she is still in hospital suffering with serious heart and kidney issues.
She gave me permission to post this up-date so in her words “as many of our mutual blogging buddies know what is happening”
As I’ve outlined she is quite unwell and can only manage short messages, but I am guessing will appreciate messages of support and concern.
We all know Jill for her ceaseless battles against political irresponsibility, sheer opportunism and downright hate.
I think I speak for us all, when I write how much we already miss those delightful Monday morning compilations of cartoons, captions, photos and cute videos; along with the adventures of Jolly and Joyful which start the week so well.
And although always ready with a well-aimed tirade against some deserving target or another, Jill has also been there to remind us there are folk who are working so hard to make the world a better place with her Wednesday slot of Good People Doing Good Things.
Let us all give some time in the day to turn our thoughts to Jill Dennison, her family and ‘moggies’, and for those of you in the USA, for her sake don’t give up the fight, the rest of us around the world have got your backs.
Let’s hear it for Jill then and put your own posts up in support of her
Keep on keeping on kid, you’re a true American patriot
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